Need some serious personal advice

[scubastang]

aaaaaaaaaaaaa

[jbiscuit]

sorry to hear your pain my man, we have all been there.

here is my assessment. I don't know much about your situation but here goes. I would say that she has either met someone else (either at that conference or out with friends or something) that she has taking a liking to. I had my ex do the same to me also. She told me she loved me and blah blah blah and out of the blue we broke up and no matter what I tried there was no changing her mind that she was done with me. I sent flowers, went to her work with a handmade card etc. Then I found out later that some guy at her work had been pressuring her to go out with her for sometime....she worked a different shift than I do so I think overtime this wore her down and she finally gave in. She is still with him and that has been over a year now. I think the same thing is possible here. Girls don't want to be honest is situations like that, they don't want you to call them a cheater etc so they hide it from you and blame it on other things when the truth is that she wants to be with someone else or at least try it with someone else. At this point, you tell her how you feel. Be honest but don't chase her around like I did. It only hurts more in the long run. Be honest and tell her she is the girl for you and all that and you don't want to be without her and if she still doesn't come back to you, then all you can do is cross your fingers and hope. THATS IT. Anything beyond that will be a waste of your time. Trust me. Do her friends possibly feed her lines that she could find someone better etc?? I have also learned that girls' friends are the single biggest influence on what they do in a relationship. Her friends have more pull than even you after a significant time in the relationship.

I wish you the best and I hope things work for you man! Just remember, if she wants to go date new people or whatever, that means you can as well. It took me a bit to realize that giving her a taste of her own medicine is sometimes what they need to feel the hurt that you are going through

J

[Sexy83TA]

I don't know what type of advise you are looking for. But I suppose being a 21 year old female, maybe I can be of alittle assistance. If this girl tells you that she loves you, and looks you in the eye when she says it, believe her. If you were together in a happy relationship for so long, then trust her this last time.

Granted that you don't feel you can trust her at this moment becuase of what she did to you. But if you are still on talking terms with her and she tells you things in a calm honest sounding voice, dont discount that.

I dont know yours or her situation. But for me, I was with my ex boyfriend for 4.5 years and I loved him very much, as a matter of fact I still love him to this day even though we have been broken up for going on two years now. My reasons for leaving him wasnt anything like "I didnt think I could spend the rest of my life with him." Or, "He wasnt good enough" or any other bullshit. My reason for moving on was I got into a serious relationship at the age of 15 and by the time I was going on 20, I HAD to find out what other men were like, and it killed me. I even went behind his back and I couldnt take the guilt of it. Did it make me not love this man? Not at all. I had to leave him before I didnt anything too serious to hurt him. And even to this day, he still doesnt know about it. Not to be mean, but to spare him pain. Maybe your girl did this for you too. She didnt want you to find out about these things that she feels she needs to do, discover, and ect before she can settle down.

Your both young, I dont know your pasts but I do know that by leaving my boyfriend I actually discovered myself. Something I was never able to do with my first relationship. You know its very true, if you love someone that you need to let them go. Don't wish the worst for her and she would never wish the worst for you either.

Don't hold your breath that she will come back, but dont discount that idea either. For all you know she may be gone for a few weeks/months and then beg you to take her back. Then the ball will be in your hands for you to decide. But if you two talked about being together and if you honestly cared for her and still love her, then dont shut the door on her. Be there for her as much as your heart will allow.

Once again I dont know your situation,I dont know if you two will continue to talk or what either of you two want. But, I suppose maybe I gave you a few ideas you hadn't thought about?


If you want to offer more information or want an opinion of a female your gf's age and possible experience level, let me know. Otherwise, I hope you the best.

[JC70SS]

Well here is my opinion. After getting the boot for no good reason in May from a gf of 6 months and another bad break-up which was my fault that I admitted to and begged for forgiveness 4 yrs ago.....I say move on. I have had it with women lately. The break-up 4 yrs ago was with a girl who I really loved, although the sauce was the main motivation in my life. Begged and begged for forgiveness after she said we were never going to be apart. Hooks up 1 yr later with a total loser! The one this year....well I had my act in gear, guess I was too toned down for fear of the same thing happening. Treated this girl A1, spent waayyy too much $$ on her.

Now after seeing so many relationships through friends etc, I think girls like to be treated like crap. The better you treat them, the more they look the other way. I know some great, absolutley beautiful girls who are dating GARBAGE? Why??
Next is so obvious being from Brookfield, girls are looking for one thing....it is not in the pants either. It is $$$$. I will be damned if I let some girl start liking me because I can treat her well goods wise. B .S. Like me for who I am as a person.

So my advice, life is tough enough to deal with without headaches like this. Ignore her, I know it wil be hard, but at least get in your head that she is gone. Then you can move onward with your life. She is the one that will be missing out. And, IF she comes back, be very cautious. You don't need a double dagger in the heart. Trust me dude, I don't know what I will do the day my ex from 4 yrs ago tells me she is engaged to loser boy...it is coming soon.
For now, I myself will enjoy being single, enjoying cars and sleds and not dealing with stuck up broads!

[scubastang]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[scubastang]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[jbiscuit]

you are right there my friend....there are better girls out there and you are also right that girls like to string you along in case they don't like "so and so" or whatever. When she tells you things like "I want to be with you eventually" she is hoping that you don't move on. She wants to meet new people but in the off chance that doesn't work out for her and you haven't moved on, she has you to come back to. In my experience, if this situation comes up and she is questioning whether or not she wants to date other people and such, you don't want her. Its better now than after you asked her to marry you or something you know?

Here is what I suggest you do know. You go out with some buddies with the intent of talking to girls. Just meet girls. Flirt and hang out with them. Its a HUGE confidence builder believe me. Get a few numbers and take things one step at a time. You don't have to "date" them even if you don't want to. Just go meet them. Its good for you and keeps your game in shape!

[JC70SS]

Ive have a comment to add. My mother's best friend who is Masters in phsychology(sp?) told me once if someone loves you they don't hurt you. I always keep that in my head.

[SSmike1]

take it from an Old Fart,
who's been there,...
done that,...
thought my girlfriend was the one, too, during my 20's.

When she looks you in the eyes, and says she loves you! :drool:
Believe it = NOT!!!!!!!
she has no idea what love is, and niether do you right now.
Love as Friends is all she means!
Marriage, no.

so, the best thing you can do,
IS
GET OVER HER AND MOVE ON.

i would still hang out and be friends, IF YOU CAN,
BUT, i do not recommend it, cause it sounds like your in love with her,
( at least you think you are right now). :)

Move On My Friend!
start dating many differnet women!!!!!!!
:burnout

[Teufelhunden]

I'm betting shes got some hidden baggage. She not being straight with you because her parents and friends love you as well.

Trust me you'll get over it and be stronger for it.

You're young. Live it up, you're free. The glass is half-full. :)

[deciuss]

honistly it is best to just move on and have fun at the moment. love is an intersting thing, it fluxuates threwout the week and months due to chemicals in your bodie. love and attraction are a mixture of many diffrent chemicals and matting rituals.

if you wate for her and mope around with your life you will lose all that important time. just have fun if she comes back then so be it if she does not well if you where having fun with friends and meeting other girls then it does not really matter.

i know its hard to get over a long history with someone. there is still a greaving process that you need to go threw. a few stages you will go threw are anger, sadness, regret, and what did i do wrong sorry i dont have my psyc books with me so i cant look up the rest but your going to go threw phases and thats natural. for every person its diffrent it may take weeks or months.

[Teufelhunden]

F- that. I think thats just morally wrong. This is probably the same exact crap she is thinking.To me you don't screw up the best thing that could have happened. Its black or white, you either want to be with someone or you don't, and if she wants to do that, then she has problems with herself, not with me :chair:

You to see what else is out there as well. I wish I was 23 again. :headbang

[animal]

Ah yes, the breakup for no reason, that could someday be back again. I've had it happen to me twice.

The first one, turned out to have already been engaged behind my back, and was faking having cancer. Yes I was THAT stupid... you'll believe what you want yourself to believe.

The second one broke it off for no apparent reason to go back to her ex, then got engaged shortly after.

A close friend of mine had this happen this past summer. It was a 6 year relationship, they were engaged and just bought a house together. She "broke up" with him for a couple weeks to "get her head straight" and came back pregnant.... not his.... and hence not his problem either.


I might be a bit biased, but I've never seen this type of thing work out the way you want it to. Cut yourself loose and don't look back. It will pain you now, but it will be worse if she came back and left a second time... or you hung on and she never came back. Just cut loose, and start over... besides, the first part of dating with all the nervousness and stuff is the most fun :)

[Go Speed]

I went through a similar situation.
Best advice I can give... and I mean it in the best way possible.
Get over it.
You cannot control the situation, only yourself.
Cry all you want (I did). Curse the gods and the earth whatever makes you happy. When she calls, emails, whatever don't be rude.. just be short and firm. If she loves you, she'll come back. If not, c'est la vie.
Look at the bright side, at least she felt guilty enough to move out before she ****ed you over. Some men have to walk into their rooms and see it happening.
Crack a beer or 10, drink it away in a night. Enough peeps here to help you through. Just let it go.

[Cryptic]

3.5 yrs... 2 month old kid... and I had to walk in on it... concider yourself better off.

[scubastang]

aaaaaaaaa

[Cryptic]

I fought long and hard with myself, trying to make sense of it all... I just turned 22 yrs old.
I had no job since I was just getting out the Military. It was some major suckage.

I wondered who the fvck this person was I thought I knew for 3.5 yrs. (literally I asked her that... Who are you?) I was embarassed for even associating myself with her. I still have to deal with her, being my son's mother and all.

btw.. I was never married, thank god.

[turbogarrett]

Like everyone has said- move on. I know it's easier said than done, but life is short to spend trying to work out a relationship with a girl who is shopping around. There are plenty of single women around. Good luck.

[DirtyMax]

I know some great, absolutley beautiful girls who are dating GARBAGE? Why??

No kidding :wtf

[BadAzzGTA89]

All i can say is thank god NO kids were involved your stiil young and think about it if someone loves someone and knows they love someone thereis no need to say"I err need space imm young and don't want to be tied down"is what i get from the first post so remember the good times forget the bad your only young once have fun and hell SOMEDAY you will meet miss right!!
BTW there only miss right till ya live with them and have kids then it's like damm were did the devil come from lol :wooo