Junky Giorgio
10-20-2004, 04:11 PM
a buddy of mine just emailed this to me this morning, i thought it was funny as hell, mostly because its soo true...enjoy! :Hump
A HUNDRED AND FORTY WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE A DSMER!
1. If you've ever had to explain crank walk to a mechanic....
2. If you have a garage full of spare engines, just in case....
3. If you've tried to bolt your old 14b onto a riding lawnmower....
4. If you've hit your head on the B-pillar during an AWD launch....
5. If you have a running tab at the local transmission shop....
6. If you go rallying in your daily driver....
7. If your driveway has ruts in it cause your car never moves....
8. If people recognize your car by the sound of it's lifter tap....
9. If you drive 5 extra blocks for a gas station that has 1 more octane point.
10. If you get refused on your tread wear warranty every time you have tried, because of poor alignment.
11. If you bought half of your performance parts at Home Depot.
12. If people ask you what's wrong with your car because it keeps making this noise.
13. If your friends get beat in a race and call you immediately after to rematch for them.
14. You have had to send a tow truck back to the towing garage because you needed a flatbed.
15. You always request parts for an Eclipse because the parts stores always lookup the AMC Eagle.
16. You drop whatever you are doing when the UPS man brings a new part for the car. And then spend the rest of the day installing it.
17. You only carry a Palm Pilot to log your engine's data.
18. You change your tires, plugs and fuel curves for the winter.
19. You know more about the 4G63 engine than some engineers at Mitsubishi.
20. Your wife/girlfriend wishes your car never existed.
21. If you think your DSM should have come with a flatbed/tow truck following you from the factory.
22. You don't let people drive your car into the bays because its "quirky"
23. You spent more fixing it than it cost
24. Your eye automatically catches EVERY DSM that drives by on the highway
25. Before racing someone, you 90% of the time know their engine, hp, and Performance specs. And you usually know if you will win or not
26. Right before u start modifying, some damn maintenance thing breaks down (i.e. alternator, starter)
27. You barely have money for fun time, or put fun $$ aside to modify your DSM.
28. You wake up in the morning look out the window and go "ahhh, what a nice car" OR You wake up and see your damn broken car and curse up a storm
29. You look at riced out civics and roll your eyes
30. Right after you get your paycheck, you get online and spend it all on parts the same day.
31. Every tire shop/parking garage/car wash/repair shop guy stalls out when he lets out your ACT 2600 clutch.
32. Every car with an alarm triggers in parking garages as to say "hello."
33. Your exhaust note is so deep and unique that people expect you to pass by 1/4 mile before you get there.
34. When you go to fix something minor you ALWAYS expect a major hassle and something else is GOING to go wrong.
35. If you're on a diet because you ran out of weight reductions for your car...
36. If a junk yard to you is an upgrade yard.....
37. If your car consists of parts from more than 10 other DSM’s.....
38. If you have a stick in your car, that's job is to prop up the hatch.....
39. If your passenger window takes more that five minutes to get all the way up.
40. If you never put more than a quarter tank of gas in your car.....
41. If your DSM is the most unreliable car you have ever owned, but still you're favorite......
42. The UPS guy comes over for a beer on a regular basis
43. Your bucket of extra parts pulls 60 bucks on eBay
44. Paypal.com sends you Christmas cards
45. An average oil change involves fresh oil, new filter and draining the catch can.
46. The pages of your shop manual have more wear than the tires on your car.
47. You know the meaning of VFAQ.
48. Some people would like to go to Europe, you'd like to visit Normal IL.
49. You get in a lot of races because your car "auto-revs" for you.
50. You've custom fabricated a carbon fiber cup holder
51. You've almost been strangled to death by the automatic seat belt.
52. You can launch your oil dip stick 20ft.
53. You know that your car has a built in toolbox under the hood....
54. If a Honda owner ever looked at you funny when you say "free mods"
55. You have a bucket full of nuts and bolts and your car seems to run fine and you can't figure out where the heck they go.
56. You carry a hydraulic jack with in your car at all times
57. When being towed you have to lift the front end of the car with your hands so the intercooler clears.
58. When the flatbed finally comes, you ask the tow guy for a piece of wood to put under your right rear tire (or left, if it's a 2G) so you don't scratch your muffler
59. If your AWD is equipped with automatic windshield wipers enabling system after every hard launch... (1G)
60. If every time you launch, you can't see the damn road all the way through 1st gear (AWD)
61. You hear a different vibration inside your car for different RPM points (1G)
62. You are afraid to grab your Crank Pulley and check for play (2G 7-bolt)
63. When people say "is your car running again?" you say "kind of"
64. The tow truck guy lets you accumulate frequent towing miles.
65. You've ever got mad, kicked your car and then apologize to it and swear you'll never do it again.
66. You've ever given yourself whiplash taking off from a stop sign.
67. You can recognize sections in your shop manual based on the color fluid that's staining the pages.
68. You have a laptop with a data logger and manual CD on it in your car at all times.
69. You have ever explained "fuel cut" to a scared female passenger.
70. People that can "drive stick" stall your car out 5 times before they get it out of the driveway.
71. You have gotten in many arguments on how "your car cant be THAT fast," It is a frick’en 4 cylinder Mitsubishi!!!
72. You have to explain to a mechanic of 35+ years what "boost creep" is.
73. You buy a K&N filter and call it an "intake"
74. You thought you blew up your DSM but in fact the dipstick popped out and sprayed oil all over the manifold causing massive smoke (come on, we all freaked out a little the 1st time the dipstick blew out)
75. When someone asks you how the car is running you never say "awesome" or "great," just "its running."
76. Your friend with a 5.0 says "at least my car is reliable."
77. A normal weekend involves removing your transmission 5 times.
78. You work all week so you can fix your DSM on weekends.
79. Your friends think "phantom knock" is some sort of ghost movie.
80. If you drive your car for 10 minutes, park if for 2 hours, come back out...it only takes 2 minutes to have the heat full blasting again.
81. You hear non-informed DSMer's saying that Chrysler over-all as a company sucks, and you have to re-inform them that they are downing their own car.
82. After racing the Honda boys with their "pimped" out cars you have to pop your hood for them to believe your cars almost completely stock.
83. You've owned something with the name Horse-#### in it...
84. You are completely dumbfounded when people say that eclipses and talons are hot but lasers are slow?
85. When you get asked at least once a week if 'That Hump' is supposed to be on your hood.
86. Your friends with the tow company and they stop by every weekend to see what the new "project" is this weekend.
87. You dance every morning when your car cranks over.
88. Your "grocery getter" is a 12 sec car...
89. You have the shop manual memorized.
90. The local shop calls you to ask a question about a broken Eclipse they have in there shop.
91. When people drive your car and ask "what's that noise..." you always reply with "which one??"
92. People driving your car for the first time get a new understanding for the word torque steer.
93. You're a DSMer if you made your own exhaust and IC piping.
94. You're a DSMer if you instigate people to race in the rain.
95. You get Xmas/birthday cards from the tow truck driver's kids thanking you for keeping daddy employed..
96. You are offered stock options at the NAPA.
97. You have better attendance at he parts store than the employees.
98. The tow truck guy bought you a cell phone just so you can call him.
99. The UPS/FedEx guy calls to make sure everything is OK if he hasn't delivered to you in a few weeks.
100. People constantly come up to you in the parking lot and say "you left your car running" or "I wouldn't leave my car running in this part of town..."
A HUNDRED AND FORTY WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE A DSMER!
1. If you've ever had to explain crank walk to a mechanic....
2. If you have a garage full of spare engines, just in case....
3. If you've tried to bolt your old 14b onto a riding lawnmower....
4. If you've hit your head on the B-pillar during an AWD launch....
5. If you have a running tab at the local transmission shop....
6. If you go rallying in your daily driver....
7. If your driveway has ruts in it cause your car never moves....
8. If people recognize your car by the sound of it's lifter tap....
9. If you drive 5 extra blocks for a gas station that has 1 more octane point.
10. If you get refused on your tread wear warranty every time you have tried, because of poor alignment.
11. If you bought half of your performance parts at Home Depot.
12. If people ask you what's wrong with your car because it keeps making this noise.
13. If your friends get beat in a race and call you immediately after to rematch for them.
14. You have had to send a tow truck back to the towing garage because you needed a flatbed.
15. You always request parts for an Eclipse because the parts stores always lookup the AMC Eagle.
16. You drop whatever you are doing when the UPS man brings a new part for the car. And then spend the rest of the day installing it.
17. You only carry a Palm Pilot to log your engine's data.
18. You change your tires, plugs and fuel curves for the winter.
19. You know more about the 4G63 engine than some engineers at Mitsubishi.
20. Your wife/girlfriend wishes your car never existed.
21. If you think your DSM should have come with a flatbed/tow truck following you from the factory.
22. You don't let people drive your car into the bays because its "quirky"
23. You spent more fixing it than it cost
24. Your eye automatically catches EVERY DSM that drives by on the highway
25. Before racing someone, you 90% of the time know their engine, hp, and Performance specs. And you usually know if you will win or not
26. Right before u start modifying, some damn maintenance thing breaks down (i.e. alternator, starter)
27. You barely have money for fun time, or put fun $$ aside to modify your DSM.
28. You wake up in the morning look out the window and go "ahhh, what a nice car" OR You wake up and see your damn broken car and curse up a storm
29. You look at riced out civics and roll your eyes
30. Right after you get your paycheck, you get online and spend it all on parts the same day.
31. Every tire shop/parking garage/car wash/repair shop guy stalls out when he lets out your ACT 2600 clutch.
32. Every car with an alarm triggers in parking garages as to say "hello."
33. Your exhaust note is so deep and unique that people expect you to pass by 1/4 mile before you get there.
34. When you go to fix something minor you ALWAYS expect a major hassle and something else is GOING to go wrong.
35. If you're on a diet because you ran out of weight reductions for your car...
36. If a junk yard to you is an upgrade yard.....
37. If your car consists of parts from more than 10 other DSM’s.....
38. If you have a stick in your car, that's job is to prop up the hatch.....
39. If your passenger window takes more that five minutes to get all the way up.
40. If you never put more than a quarter tank of gas in your car.....
41. If your DSM is the most unreliable car you have ever owned, but still you're favorite......
42. The UPS guy comes over for a beer on a regular basis
43. Your bucket of extra parts pulls 60 bucks on eBay
44. Paypal.com sends you Christmas cards
45. An average oil change involves fresh oil, new filter and draining the catch can.
46. The pages of your shop manual have more wear than the tires on your car.
47. You know the meaning of VFAQ.
48. Some people would like to go to Europe, you'd like to visit Normal IL.
49. You get in a lot of races because your car "auto-revs" for you.
50. You've custom fabricated a carbon fiber cup holder
51. You've almost been strangled to death by the automatic seat belt.
52. You can launch your oil dip stick 20ft.
53. You know that your car has a built in toolbox under the hood....
54. If a Honda owner ever looked at you funny when you say "free mods"
55. You have a bucket full of nuts and bolts and your car seems to run fine and you can't figure out where the heck they go.
56. You carry a hydraulic jack with in your car at all times
57. When being towed you have to lift the front end of the car with your hands so the intercooler clears.
58. When the flatbed finally comes, you ask the tow guy for a piece of wood to put under your right rear tire (or left, if it's a 2G) so you don't scratch your muffler
59. If your AWD is equipped with automatic windshield wipers enabling system after every hard launch... (1G)
60. If every time you launch, you can't see the damn road all the way through 1st gear (AWD)
61. You hear a different vibration inside your car for different RPM points (1G)
62. You are afraid to grab your Crank Pulley and check for play (2G 7-bolt)
63. When people say "is your car running again?" you say "kind of"
64. The tow truck guy lets you accumulate frequent towing miles.
65. You've ever got mad, kicked your car and then apologize to it and swear you'll never do it again.
66. You've ever given yourself whiplash taking off from a stop sign.
67. You can recognize sections in your shop manual based on the color fluid that's staining the pages.
68. You have a laptop with a data logger and manual CD on it in your car at all times.
69. You have ever explained "fuel cut" to a scared female passenger.
70. People that can "drive stick" stall your car out 5 times before they get it out of the driveway.
71. You have gotten in many arguments on how "your car cant be THAT fast," It is a frick’en 4 cylinder Mitsubishi!!!
72. You have to explain to a mechanic of 35+ years what "boost creep" is.
73. You buy a K&N filter and call it an "intake"
74. You thought you blew up your DSM but in fact the dipstick popped out and sprayed oil all over the manifold causing massive smoke (come on, we all freaked out a little the 1st time the dipstick blew out)
75. When someone asks you how the car is running you never say "awesome" or "great," just "its running."
76. Your friend with a 5.0 says "at least my car is reliable."
77. A normal weekend involves removing your transmission 5 times.
78. You work all week so you can fix your DSM on weekends.
79. Your friends think "phantom knock" is some sort of ghost movie.
80. If you drive your car for 10 minutes, park if for 2 hours, come back out...it only takes 2 minutes to have the heat full blasting again.
81. You hear non-informed DSMer's saying that Chrysler over-all as a company sucks, and you have to re-inform them that they are downing their own car.
82. After racing the Honda boys with their "pimped" out cars you have to pop your hood for them to believe your cars almost completely stock.
83. You've owned something with the name Horse-#### in it...
84. You are completely dumbfounded when people say that eclipses and talons are hot but lasers are slow?
85. When you get asked at least once a week if 'That Hump' is supposed to be on your hood.
86. Your friends with the tow company and they stop by every weekend to see what the new "project" is this weekend.
87. You dance every morning when your car cranks over.
88. Your "grocery getter" is a 12 sec car...
89. You have the shop manual memorized.
90. The local shop calls you to ask a question about a broken Eclipse they have in there shop.
91. When people drive your car and ask "what's that noise..." you always reply with "which one??"
92. People driving your car for the first time get a new understanding for the word torque steer.
93. You're a DSMer if you made your own exhaust and IC piping.
94. You're a DSMer if you instigate people to race in the rain.
95. You get Xmas/birthday cards from the tow truck driver's kids thanking you for keeping daddy employed..
96. You are offered stock options at the NAPA.
97. You have better attendance at he parts store than the employees.
98. The tow truck guy bought you a cell phone just so you can call him.
99. The UPS/FedEx guy calls to make sure everything is OK if he hasn't delivered to you in a few weeks.
100. People constantly come up to you in the parking lot and say "you left your car running" or "I wouldn't leave my car running in this part of town..."