When to call it quits?

[05caddyext]

Long story short. Been in a relationship for the last 3 years. I bought a house on my own about 2 years ago with the understand (mutual) that when she graduated from college she would help pay bills. We have been arguing a lot lately about everything under the sun. We work complete opposite schedules so we never go out after work. On Saturdays we work at the same job for 9.5 hours together, the rest of the time she works her full time job. So needless to say we are basically together 24/7. I pay all the bills, she pays her car payment and buys the food and other stuff like paper towel and tp. She also pays her student loan. I also do not like going out to bars anymore, I am 32. Been there, done that. Shes 22. See where I am going?

So here is the difficult part. If I just end it, she has no place to go. Her mom doesn't work and lives with her grandma in Jackson which is almost 2 hours from my house. Her dad doesn't speak to her anymore, and he also lives with his parents. So she doesn't have anywhere to go. She probably couldn't afford a decent apartment herself, and none of her friends have money either. So what do I do? Continue to be miserable just so she has a place to stay? Or just call it quits and tell her to find her own way? I just don't see this relationship getting any better. I am very career oriented right now, I plan on buying the store I work at in 3 years. I work A LOT. I just don't know what the right thing is. Any advice?

[Slow5oh]

Gotta do what's going to benefit you and your life. If you truly feel it's not going to work then those feelings probably aren't going to go away and you'll just be living a lie which isn't fair to either of you. From experience though, if you do end it don't try and let her live there because that's an even bigger mess/headache.

[michelle]

Sounds like it is time for her to get a reality check.

[Nix]

You need to watch out for #1, which is yourself. If you can't be happy then how can you make others happy? The typical 22yr old has a lot of growing up to do and it sounds like your home is a just basically a place to lay her head. You aren't getting any younger and as you said you have goals and dreams. You need to take care of business.

Good luck to you. It's always easier said than done but as I said, you aren't getting any younger and you have a timeline of goals. If she isn't in that timeline (which is dosent sound like she is by what you have said) then you need to drop her by the wayside.

I hope this helps/makes sense to you.

[WickedSix]

Crazy idea...... Have you two sat down and talked about it all?.... I think we all have that fine line where we know shit aint going right and doesnt seem to be getting better.... Fish or cut bait....shit or get off the pot... Id say if you are to this point she pretty much already knows it too...unless she is oblivious to life... Just be honest and upfront, ur pathes in life came together for a time and now its time they part. As much as it sucks her finding a place of her own would help with the whole growing up aspect. Give her a couple weeks to find a place.... Make sure ur stuff is safe/locked up so she cant take what isnt hers and leave u in the lurch

[pOrk]

Do you still boink? If not, say goodbye. You could always rent her a room...

[austena123]

I guess I am going to be the one to "get gay"; but since you have been together for 3 years, I think you both should try and make it work. Is ther love both physically/emotionally? 3 yrs is a long time (there must be a reason that you were together for that time). That being said, if this has happened, and nothing is getting better, than I think a talk is in order in which you lay it all out honestly. Life will get better once you do it.

[pOrk]

Speaking of talking, suggest buttsecks and if she is down then marry her.

[Yooformula]

you are 32 she is 22. that right there says it all at this point! when you can admit that you are done partying and hitting bars, that means you have grown up a bit but she is just starting or will want to be! the gap in age isnt the issue so much as the age itself. you are ready to grow up and settle down, family, blah blah blah but at her age group she is going to want to party, hang with friends, shop, spend not add more responsibilities aka anchors.

You can try to talk it out but its a losing battle with that age group vs yours so I say call it a day give her the reality check called LIFE.

[Turbo-Triumph]

Well no one can really give you solid advise on this..


Relationship advise is terrible. Especially from people who aren't even there to see who treats who like what from a 3rd party standpoint.

All I'm ganna say, if the only issues are "she wants to party" well then tell her how you feel and how big of a deal it is to you. Arguements.. they happen.. best way to end a stupid argument is in the middle of it just say "do you even remember why we are arguing?" Then when she gives you the dumbfounded look and says "yea because you didn't butter my toast right!" Ask her if she really thinks its worth arguing over. 99% of the time arguements are dumb when you reaaally think about it and always fueled by other means (past arguements, unrelated stress, etc)

Best bet: think about EVERYTHING that bothers you about her and write it down on a peice of paper, figure out why that bothers you, and go write that down too. It sounds real dumb but just write her a huge note on what and why it bothers you and give it too her.. the reason this works best imo is she cannot argue with a peice of paper, so she will read it all instead of cutting you off halfway to say her side. Also there might be things that your embarrassed to say or scared to say, that you can write down and not worry so much about. Its some middle school shit (well.. dr phil) but when you think about the reasoning behind it (she will hear your complete side of the storey) its intelligent.

Your 10 years older than her.. I'm sure you knew it would bite you in the ass somehow at some point.

If the only thing holding you up from breaking up is her not having a place to stay, then call it quits. If you cannot stand the though of someone else bangin her.. might want to rethink your plans. In a while she'll be over the party hardy gig, as it sounds she's got a decent head on her shoulders. (Buys food, pays her student loans (went to college) and more than likley helps out in other ways)

Don't slight her for only buying food to help out.. food, no bullshit, is easily my 2nd biggest bill if not biggest. ($8/meal x2 a day=16x30=$480/month, IF you can both eat off of 16 dollars a day.. which is difficult) so it usually ends up costing over 500/mo.

[PB86MCSS]

I'm 31 and couldn't see dating 99% of girls 25 or under if I was a single guy (engaged). Sounds like you already made up your mind, can't keep her living with you just because she has no where to go. If there isn't cheating or something horrible that causes the breakup, hopefully you guys can get along and maybe she can live with you for a short time before finding her own place? Just an idea, depends how receptive she is to getting dumped after all :goof .

[BoosTT]

When I was 22 I went out all the time. Its a phase. The bill paying thing I think is mostly fair, because I do the same. it soundslike you are both at different stages in your life. Its up to you if you want to "wait" for her.

As for finding a place for her, she is an adult. If it comes down to it, give her $400 if she is moved out by x. She might be staying with you for this reason.

[EvolvedRegal]

^^^ exactly and what Pork said.

10 years is quite the gap. Tag it one more time and boot it.

[Lash]

If you have to ask, it's probably time.


She has a full time job, I'm sure she can find a place that she can afford on her own. Plus, doesn't she have any friend to move in with or share rent?

[Reverend Cooper]

Holy shit,your on here asking for advice,LOL

[Prince Valiant]

My wife is 10 years younger than me...age differences can certainly be a challenge, but are hardly insurmountable.

Living together and having been together as long as you two have, and IF there is a desire to make it work, at LEAST try some relationship (as in marriage) counseling.

Basically none of us truly have the "skills" to just know how to make relationships work. For many, we figure out our own ways, etc...which isn't to say it is always the best, healthiest way. Essentially that's what the counseling does...it doesn't pick winners and losers, says who's right and who's wrong...but gives you guys the skills and practice to work on your communication, conflict resolution, yadda yadda, yadda...so that you can work on the issues that have been bothering you guys in the past, and the skills so you don't fall into the same routines in the future...and issue comes you, you can work it out.

[CATNHAT]

Post naked pictures of her in the shower, pool hot tub, couch, WHEREVER!! When she sees you posted, she will leave and your problem will be solved. If she doesnt care, post more for our entertainment and our problem is solved!! BOOYAH!

[nismodave]

Holy shit,your on here asking for advice,LOL

:wstupid:rolf:rolf:rolf

[Z28Envy]

Put an ad in craigslist...free to good home with a picture of her nude. Someone will pick her up and lay her like some new carpet.

[BR3W CITY]

kick her out but let her stay over once in a while.....seems to be stringing her along, but if shes 22 and cute you might as well keep her in your back pocket for a rainy night.

[BR3W CITY]

and we needs nudes if you guys are on the rocks...might as well share the goods with us

[wrath]

There is an age gap and it sounds like she's never had money before (since both of her parents are losers). My wife is four months younger than me and she pays for her student loans, groceries, and the consumable household goods. I pay for everything else including gas, car insurance, both car payments, et cetera. I also make five times as much per hour as she does.

As long as she's not being completely wanton with her money (buying junk at Old Navy then either giving it away or throwing it away) then you're going to have to live with it for a while. Eventually she'll decide she wants something nice.

[Crawlin]

Sorry, i'm gonna be one of the guys that says fucked up shit.

That sort of "family atmosphere" is certainly not positive. I've been in too many relationships in which the girl's family isn't "right" and eventually its come to affect her personality. At this point in reading about your situation, its almost looking like you are replacing her father. While I may be way off base, I'm just the third party. And you can't take into account WHERE or WHO she is gonna live with if things go bad. Its not your responsibility and you can't stay with her JUST BECAUSE she's got no place else to go.

Only advice I can give is, those that say "everyone argues" is crap IN MY OPINION. I've seen families that have never argued. I haven't even argued with Liz. I thought I found someone to live with and it turns out she wasn't the right "one". At your age(our age) and us wanting to settle down, you can find someone better. Someone that you can both appreciate what each brings to the relationship. I don't for a minute believe AGE is a determining factor for relationships as I know plenty of 28-30y/o women who are out partying every night. However, maturity level and what you are arguing about is a clear sign of things to come.

[Rifleman WI]

^^ i agree 100% i spent too long and got married in a shitty relationship.. run now....

[03Seville]

Honestly imo if you even are asking this question you have stuck it out with her much longer than you should have. Which we have all done but at some point you really have to say enough is enough.

Its never worth staying with somebody based on the fact that they may not succeed without you, thats her issue to deal with not yours. Age means nothing, theirs 20 year olds that act 30 and 30 year olds that act 20, its just a number.

[Waver]

Sorry, i'm gonna be one of the guys that says fucked up shit.

That sort of "family atmosphere" is certainly not positive. I've been in too many relationships in which the girl's family isn't "right" and eventually its come to affect her personality. At this point in reading about your situation, its almost looking like you are replacing her father. While I may be way off base, I'm just the third party. And you can't take into account WHERE or WHO she is gonna live with if things go bad. Its not your responsibility and you can't stay with her JUST BECAUSE she's got no place else to go.

Only advice I can give is, those that say "everyone argues" is crap IN MY OPINION. I've seen families that have never argued. I haven't even argued with Liz. I thought I found someone to live with and it turns out she wasn't the right "one". At your age(our age) and us wanting to settle down, you can find someone better. Someone that you can both appreciate what each brings to the relationship. I don't for a minute believe AGE is a determining factor for relationships as I know plenty of 28-30y/o women who are out partying every night. However, maturity level and what you are arguing about is a clear sign of things to come.

This says it all right here. Even if you argue about some things now and then, it is not a bad thing....The "all the time" part is concerning. When arguments go for days or the same reason for the argument gets brought up time and time again, you have an issue. It is then that you should cut your losses and find someone else.

[Crawlin]

_RDp2-pQdXI

2:20 mark

Sorry to say it, but this is how I truly feel about that situation.

PS - this is probably one of the best standups I've seen(the whole set) so make sure to get the WHOLE thing at some point

[michelle]

That is good.

[Reverend Cooper]

I mean seriously things are so bad,and you have no one else in life to talk to but us here? LOL
I think swallowing a bullit is better advice than you may find here. Just sayin.

[05caddyext]

Yes killing myself is a great alternative. Good advice. See you on the other side.

[Cryptic]

Its not your responsibility and you can't stay with her JUST BECAUSE she's got no place else to go.

I've made this mistake. 3 years is nothing! You'll be kicking your own ass when your in the same situation when you hit 10 years. Same shit repeats year after year.

I wont give advice because I am just as guilty.

[Reverend Cooper]

Yes killing myself is a great alternative. Good advice. See you on the other side.

I did not tell you to kill yourself,I merely equated advice from a website will blow up in yo face like a bullit.
Ger a Stewart Smalley DVD and it will all be ok.

[JaMichaels]

Haha I post this same thing every time someone has a STUPID problem like this. You should have just not dated a 22 year old seeing as your 32 and have your head up your ass. I still don't understand why people do this. But whatever, now you are all worried about a dumbass problem that has been posted on here 10000 times before. And the fix was the same and always will be the same.

[CATNHAT]

leaving may be tough now, but if (when) kids are involved, it will be a lot tougher, a lot more expensive, and think of the trauma imposed on the little innocent kids.

Sack up and tell her its over. In the long run it will benefit both of you.

[Z28Envy]

Where are the f'n nudes????????

[PureSound15]

Haha I post this same thing every time someone has a STUPID problem like this. You should have just not dated a 22 year old seeing as your 32 and have your head up your ass. I still don't understand why people do this. But whatever, now you are all worried about a dumbass problem that has been posted on here 10000 times before. And the fix was the same and always will be the same.

And that fix for you is what? Give up women and try men? :)

I don't know about you guys but, aside from the drama, bravo for nailing a chick that's 10 years younger.


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- Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[03Seville]

You should have just not dated a 22 year old seeing as your 32 and have your head up your ass.
You realize you're one of the very few people who make a big deal out of the age gap, Ive seen plenty of successful relationships with much larger than 10yr differences. Sounds like your the one with something up his ass.


leaving may be tough now, but if (when) kids are involved, it will be a lot tougher, a lot more expensive, and think of the trauma imposed on the little innocent kids.

Sack up and tell her its over. In the long run it will benefit both of you.

^^THIS^^

[Waver]

I dont see how age has anything to do with his situation....She is just not mature enough to be an adult, and probably not mature enough to be in an adult relationship. The girl I am engaged to is 23 and I am going to be 33.....She has the maturity of someone who is 26/27 and has her shit together.

[Rifleman WI]

I dont see how age has anything to do with his situation....She is just not mature enough to be an adult, and probably not mature enough to be in an adult relationship. The girl I am engaged to is 23 and I am going to be 33.....She has the maturity of someone who is 26/27 and has her shit together.

im 25 dating a 40 year old, and its going great... it also helps that im not a stupid fuck-head like some dudes my age...

[JaMichaels]

Only Caddy will understand my post, it's a copy pasta from what he wrote on a thread I started. I just mixed the words around because the guy is a dick.

[BR3W CITY]

sounds like you bagged the elusive cougar

[Rifleman WI]

sounds like you bagged the elusive cougar

Yep!!

[BoosTT]

only caddy will understand my post, it's a copy pasta from what he wrote on a thread i started. I just mixed the words around because the guy is a dick.

lol

[wrath]

Only Caddy will understand my post, it's a copy pasta from what he wrote on a thread I started. I just mixed the words around because the guy is a dick.

You already know he's kind of an idiot. I mean, who wants to buy a shitty hardware store anyway? Has anyone looked at the demographics for the clientele at a hardware store? They're the same demographic as Harley-Davidson's customers... dying and not being replaced. It wasn't this century the last time I went into a hardware store and wasn't disappointed.

[05caddyext]

You are right about the hardware store being a dying industry. Our store made 2 million dollars last year, and well on track to beat that this year. And yeah Ace is a shitty place to buy, only the #1 hardware retailer in the nation, 4000+ stores and growing.

[Reverend Cooper]

And that fix for you is what? Give up women and try men? :)

I don't know about you guys but, aside from the drama, bravo for nailing a chick that's 10 years younger.


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- Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I hear Ben is free

[-stew-]

I hear Ben is free

It didn't work out between you two?

[Reverend Cooper]

why dont you ask him when you wake him up in the morning.

[-stew-]

he just left saying he had to go by a peter gabrial tape and a boom box and was headed to your house.

[Reverend Cooper]

hmmm i guess your weiner is small,ben brags he likes em big