Curious about your opinions......

[Voodoo Chick]

OK, here's my question: If you have a pet/pets that make a family member uneasy (ie a very large dog, snakes, tarantulas, etc) do you think it is impolite to force the family member to interact with the animal they are uneasy about? Personally, I do....I feel if you invite someone to your home, knowing full-well that they are not comfortable around the animal/animals, keep them separate.....I ask because I have been having an ongoing situation with my in-laws.....I am, for whatever reason, not comfortable around large dogs, they kinda scare me. My in-laws have VERY large, very in-your-face dogs around all the time, and even though I have asked them repeatedly to keep the dogs away, they do not. It is probably stressful for the dogs, too, as they can sense I don't like them. It is getting so I don't even want to go over there anymore. They do have, by the way, a heated, nice basement with an area already set up for the dogs.....why can't they just keep them there for the hour or two I'm there?? I don't think it's polite, and felt the need to rant......

[Russ Jerome]

I happen to have two friends that ALL dogs dislike, these are very overconfident men who like to push there dominence on animals. I feel pretty uneasy about it and try to keep my latest dog away from them, they are the kind of guys who will extend there hand anyway just in spite.....my last dog who has never bit anyone bit one of them pretty good.

Another dog later now those two guys (who dont know one-another) still insist on being in my new dogs face...doing my best to keep them seperated.

You should not have to put up with it in my mind (being a large dog owner). Dogs can sence your uneasiness and it triggers them unfortunatly.

[Russ Jerome]

Thinking more about it I also have a good friend who is alergic to cats/dogs, I do try and do whatever I can just to keep the dam cat from curling up in his lap but he's a guy and tries and tough it out...till his eyeballs (you know who you are!) start popping out.

[badass88gt]

Simple, stay away from the in-laws. When they ask why, tell them. Make sure you lay it on pretty thick, mention their disrespect towards you and your feelings and about how they care more about their dogs being around you than they do about the parent-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.

[SSDude]

Simple, stay away from the in-laws. When they ask why, tell them. Make sure you lay it on pretty thick, mention their disrespect towards you and your feelings and about how they care more about their dogs being around you than they do about the parent-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship.

That ^ and the hubby should be supporting you with this issue to his parents.

[pashtrd]

My 8 year old son is terrified of some dogs, others he tolerates rather well. I have actually yelled at friends of mine with dogs that know he is terrified, and simply tell him to calm down the dog wont hurt him. You can tell someone all you want that a dog wont hurt them. it doesn't matter. If they are terrified or uncomfortable around the animals then the pets owner should take that into account.

[Voodoo Chick]

That ^ and the hubby should be supporting you with this issue to his parents.


He does, but he's a gone all the time (long-haul trucker) so I usually go there alone. His mother absolutely INSISTS on leaving the dogs around me, and they honestly know I'm freaked out, so they growl, and show their teeth. I don't want to hurt the dogs' feelings, or whatever, but I am so scared of them. I think I am going to start coming up with excuses to not go over there. I have a few cats, and if I invite someone over, unless they specifically ask to see the cats, I put them in a spare room until my guests leave. I think it's terribly discourteous to "force" a pet on someone, especially if YOU invited them over in the first place. I always thought if you have people over, you should make them feel comfortable....

[badass88gt]

Fuck those dogs and "hurting their feelings". No need to come up with excuses, just tell them straight up you dont want to come over because they wont lock up their dogs when they know you are uncomfortable. Stick with the truth, you have no reason to make up excuses. Stand up for yourself. If they respect you they will do what it takes, otherwise fuck them.

[Voodoo Chick]

Fuck those dogs and "hurting their feelings". No need to come up with excuses, just tell them straight up you dont want to come over because they wont lock up their dogs when they know you are uncomfortable. Stick with the truth, you have no reason to make up excuses. Stand up for yourself. If they respect you they will do what it takes, otherwise fuck them.


You know, I think this really is damn good advice. I have been tolerant of this sh*t for years.....I just can't handle it anymore, and yeah, being "polite" is getting me nowhere. I'm going to have to be a bit more aggressive, I guess.

[badass88gt]

People naturally take advantage of others that will let them. You can still be polite, but stand your ground and be honest.

[HITMAN]

I hope this doesn't sound like I am being negative toward you, because I'm not trying to be, but: Have you ever considered that for what ever reason your in-laws have a problem with you and that this behavior toward you is purely intentional? Animosity to others manifests itself in many ways. They may not say or do anything overt, but this could be a message. Pay more attention to the vibe they're giving off the next time you are over there. You may like them, and you could be the sweetest person in the world to them, but they, for whatever fucked up reason, may not like you. Some folks, just like some dogs, just don't get along with others... :confused

[michelle]

How do you handle when the dogs come up to you?

Your in-laws might be "getting a kick" out of watching your reaction. If their dogs aren't used to training, it might not make an immediate difference, but simply ignore the dogs (do not push them away, make eye contact, acknowledge them, etc.). If one jumps up on you, turn your back. A dog will not continue to jump on you if they are being ignored. Making a noise is attention and they will not necessarily understand a grunt/scream/moan/whatever as a "negative", but instead as a welcome to continue the behavior.

[Voodoo Chick]

How do you handle when the dogs come up to you?

Your in-laws might be "getting a kick" out of watching your reaction. If their dogs aren't used to training, it might not make an immediate difference, but simply ignore the dogs (do not push them away, make eye contact, acknowledge them, etc.). If one jumps up on you, turn your back. A dog will not continue to jump on you if they are being ignored. Making a noise is attention and they will not necessarily understand a grunt/scream/moan/whatever as a "negative", but instead as a welcome to continue the behavior.


I just stand very, very still, and not look at them.....I always thought this was the "correct" way to handle the situation, but it never seems to deter them...they continue to jump/growl, etc......can they sense stuff like blood pressure/heart rate increasing? Or maybe they can smell the fear-induced adrenaline?

[Voodoo Chick]

I hope this doesn't sound like I am being negative toward you, because I'm not trying to be, but: Have you ever considered that for what ever reason your in-laws have a problem with you and that this behavior toward you is purely intentional? Animosity to others manifests itself in many ways. They may not say or do anything overt, but this could be a message. Pay more attention to the vibe they're giving off the next time you are over there. You may like them, and you could be the sweetest person in the world to them, but they, for whatever fucked up reason, may not like you. Some folks, just like some dogs, just don't get along with others... :confused


LOL, never thought of this!! You might just be onto something.......:stare There have been "tensions" between us for the last 13 years......

[Rocket Power]

I have a friend who isn't a big fan of dogs and mine usually are a little excited for a while when people come over. I put them in their kennels. I think that your inlaws are being a-holes. I wouldn't go over there if it was me, if they are going to be like that.

[lordairgtar]

Yeah, your in-laws are at the least thinking "our dogs are family and we don't understand you not feeling the same way". At the worst, it's like Hitman said. Whenever someone comes to my house, my dog goes into the bedroom and the door is shut. She can be aggressive and that intimidates some people.

I happen to have two friends that ALL dogs dislike, these are very overconfident men who like to push there dominance on animals.
If these guys are hated by all animals and they display such douchebaggery, why are they your friends? Intimidate or harass my dog and I'll just let her add them to her chew bone collection.

[Russ Jerome]

If these guys are hated by all animals and they display such douchebaggery, why are they your friends?

I guess hated is a strong word. Normaly you or I would be cautious around new animals, these two try and physicaly greet dogs at first contact and wont let the animals initiate the meet.

Some people just set animals off, those same people just wont back down I guess? There both cool guys if you met them, if your dogs met them you would be like WTF?

[Reverend Cooper]

they make stun guns and mace for this.get it,use it,explain why.

[RanJer]

they make stun guns and mace for this.get it,use it,explain why.

For the in-laws? or the dogs?

[Car Guy]

they make stun guns and mace for this.get it,use it,explain why.


For the in-laws? or the dogs?


I would love to use a stun gun on some of my in-laws......:devil

[flyin_blue_egg]

i say you are in the right. like many others have said you shouldn't make excuses as to why you don't want to go over there. Since it seems like you have a decent relationship w/ your inlaws, i would take either one or both of them out for lunch etc. and explain it to them. tell them that you are extremly uncomfortable around their dogs and unless they are willing to do something (ie putting them outside or in the basement while you're over) that you're no longer going to come over there. if they would like to see you/spend time with you then they either need to take you out for lunch etc. or come to your house. all in all hold your ground until you get what you want

[73MACH]

When the dogs start growling and showing their teeth, it is deffinately time to tell the inlaws straight out. I absolutely LOVE dogs and big dogs, but regardless of how nice the dog is or whatever, when they start showing their agressive side, that's when you need to take action. IMO. If they don't take your feelings, concerns, and oppinion into consideration, then there is no need to visit. Have them come visit you.

[73MACH]

And then get a big ass mean dog that drools all over for when they come over until they get the hint! lol

[1BadBytch]

OK, here's my question: If you have a pet/pets that make a family member uneasy (ie a very large dog, snakes, tarantulas, etc) do you think it is impolite to force the family member to interact with the animal they are uneasy about? Personally, I do....I feel if you invite someone to your home, knowing full-well that they are not comfortable around the animal/animals, keep them separate.....I ask because I have been having an ongoing situation with my in-laws.....I am, for whatever reason, not comfortable around large dogs, they kinda scare me. My in-laws have VERY large, very in-your-face dogs around all the time, and even though I have asked them repeatedly to keep the dogs away, they do not. It is probably stressful for the dogs, too, as they can sense I don't like them. It is getting so I don't even want to go over there anymore. They do have, by the way, a heated, nice basement with an area already set up for the dogs.....why can't they just keep them there for the hour or two I'm there?? I don't think it's polite, and felt the need to rant......

I totally understand what your saying... but maybe they just think that because they are nice dogs that the more you are around them... then maybe you'll just get used to them??? IDK.

I have two Ball Pythons and my BF is horrified of them. Outta respect, I don't usually have them out when he's around. But I think he is slowly getting used to them being around just by me having them out here and there when hes around.