text from last night?

[Yeehaw]

keep hearing people talk about this. Is it really that funny or what?

[johnny--2k]

yeah, there are some pretty damn good ones in there.

Good for those bored hours at work!

[shoooo32]

The iphone app is well worth the .99 cents they charge for it. funny stuff.

[Anakonda69]

yes it's hilarious.

[stenchmiester]

Free on the blackberry

[Al]

provide example of text?

[Goat Roper]

How about "provide example of what the hell you are talking about"

[British_Ben]

I think they are talking about this site: http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

There are some real gems in there.

[johnny--2k]

Some examples....


(610): I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.



(571): Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
(703): this can't be going anywhere good
(571): nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her *****"? =\


:rolf:rolf


(602): im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.

[michelle]

Yep, funny website. Good time-waster along with fmylife.com.

[Red97GTP]

Let's not forget www.dontevenreply.com

[HITMAN]

Let's not forget www.dontevenreply.com

Just read this from there...


Deer Hunter
Posted at: 2009-09-08 09:05:23 | 142 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
Looking for permission to deer hunt (bow, shotgun) on a property in Bucks County.

I am a very responsible hunter. Willing to compensate you for your permission.
From Me to ************@**********.org

Hi there!

I will let you hunt in my backyard. I live in an area that is infested with deer. You are more than welcome to kill as many of those white-tailed bastards from hell as you want.

I only have one small favor to ask - let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From Dennis ********* to Me:

Mike,

Thank you. I only plan on bagging one or two deer. Is your property available this weekend? What is your favor?

Dennis

From Me to Dennis *********:

Dennis,

If you are concerned about not having enough room in your truck to bring the deer back, don't worry about it. You can just leave the pile of carcases in my backyard and I'll take care of them. I'll probably just drop them down my neighbor's well, or put them in my wood burner. Burning dead deer makes my house smell nice.

The one favor I am asking of you shouldn't be that much of a problem. My neighbor has this goddamn cat that always wanders into my yard at night and meows. It wakes me up and I am unable to fall back asleep. Also, I can't tell you how many times I have stepped in cat shit on my patio.

All I ask of you is that if you see my neighbor's cat wander into my yard, please blow that son-of-a-bitch straight to hell. Shotgun or crossbow, I don't care how you do it. Try to make it look like an accident though if my neighbor sees it happen.

This weekend is fine for me.

Mike

From Dennis ********* to Me:

How close is your neighbor's house? I was under the impression that you had a large plot of land.

I feel uncomfortable with the idea of killing your neighbor's cat. Sorry.

From Me to Dennis *********:

My neighbor's house is about 50 yards from my house. Why won't you kill the cat? Just pretend it is a deer.

From Dennis ********* to Me:

The cat is someone's pet that they love. I won't kill it. I am willing to compensate you some other way. Have you had a talk with your neighbor about your problems with their cat?

From Me to Dennis *********:

I don't believe this. A hunter that loves animals. Now I've seen everything. I can't talk to my neighbor - she has a restraining order on me from when I went over there and punted her cat like a football.

Seriously, if you kill the cat, my neighbor will have no idea. I was thinking - you said you had a bow and arrow, right? Would you be able to get those arrows with the explosive tip, like the ones Rambo uses? That would surely blow the cat into unrecognizable pieces and my neighbor would never even be able to find it.

From Dennis ********* to Me:

I'm fairly certain that those arrows are fictional. That is beyond the point because I am not shooting a cat. End of discussion.

From Me to Dennis *********:

Is this some kind of a joke? Are you from PETA? Just kill the goddamn cat and you can shoot all of the deer that you want. I'll even have the grill fired up so we can enjoy some freshly-killed venison.

Also, even if those arrows aren't real, they don't seem that hard to make. What about that thing that Arnold used in Predator? Didn't he just take grenade launcher rounds and tie them to an arrow? Try that. Do you have an M203? That would work even better.

From Dennis ********* to Me:

I'll find somewhere else to hunt, thanks.

From Me to Dennis *********:

I hope that while you are hunting, you miss your shot and accidentally kill a cat anyway, you *****.


:rolf:rolf:rolf:rolf:rolf

[lordairgtar]

: so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house:goof:goof:goof:wooo

[lordairgtar]

Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"

[That_Guy]

(920): My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...

its a local

[wikked]

keep hearing people talk about this. Is it really that funny or what?

If you like reading fiction, then yes.

[michelle]

Let's not forget www.dontevenreply.com

I liked the recent post!


Helpful Mechanic
Posted at: 2009-10-07 11:21:36 | 55 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
I have a 1998 nissan that rear ended someone last week. There is some minor damage that need fixed...but I cant afford to go to a body shop..anyone who is willing to help for less would be doing me a HUGE favor. thanks!
From Me to ***********@**********.org

Hey, how's it going.

I'm a mechanic looking to do some work on the side, and I can probably help you out with your car. How bad is the damage to the car?

Mike

From Kristen ****** to Me:

Hi Mike. The damage isnt bad...my hood is bent and i think the headlight cracked...but I took it for an estimate and they told me i was looking at at least a couple thousand for repairs. im not sure if they are trying to rip me off so take a look if you want. sorry...this is the best picture i could get with my phone

thanks!

Attachment:
http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/maxima.JPG

From Me to Kristen ******:

Ouch...that doesn't look good, Kristen. From glancing at the picture, it is obvious you are going to need a new hood, fender, and headlight. It looks like your headlight is indeed cracked, and it looks like you probably severed the headlight fluid line as well. From the way the hood is bent, it looks like your transmission has been dislodged and will probably have to be replaced. Judging by the headlight damage, I may have to replace your headlight fluid pump as well, and I need to take out the motor to get to that. It is going to be a lot of work.

How much were you looking to spend to get this fixed?

From Kristen ****** to Me:

wow i didnt think it was that bad...do you think you can fix it? i cant afford to spend alot of money on this.

From Me to Kristen ******:

I can absolutely fix it. I can probably steal the parts you'll need from a junkyard, but you will have to post my bail if I get caught again. Last time, bail was about $400 and I had to pay another $500 fine after court. As for the labor, it is going to cost you about $1500. Replacing the headlight fluid pump is very difficult, and will probably take a lot of time to do. So you are looking at anywhere from $1500 to $2400.

From Kristen ****** to Me:

ok thanks anyway. that is too much for me...ill just deal with it for now i guess

From Me to Kristen ******:

Kristen, I strongly advise you to get this fixed immediately. You will not pass inspection without a headlight fluid pump, and it is very dangerous to be driving without one. It is very likely that your car could catch fire and explode while you are driving.

Look, I understand you are on a budget and I'd be willing to knock a couple hundred bucks off of the cost of labor if I can have your car's CD player. You won't get a better deal anywhere else.

From Kristen ****** to Me:

what?! the other guy didnt say anything like that. im going to get a few more opinions first, ill let you know. thanks

From Me to Kristen ******:

Don't take too long - your car is in immediate danger.

From Kristen ****** to Me:

I just called the auto center and they said there is no such thing as a headlight fluid pump...or headlight fluid...they were laughing...what is your problem douche bag?

From Me to Kristen ******:

Whoever you talked to there obviously has no idea what they are talking about. Look, you can see it in the picture, you are clearly leaking headlight fluid. I pointed it out in the attachment, it is what the red arrow is pointing to. You can see it leaking from the headlight.

Attachment:
http://www.dontevenreply.com/images/fluid.JPG

From Kristen ****** to Me:

Ok ass hole...thanks for wasting my time

From Me to Kristen ******:

Sorry for trying to save your life. You'll be sorry when that fluid ignites and makes your transmission explode while you are driving.

[xFullThrottlex]

^lmao

[johnny--2k]

wow, only like a true wisconsinite!

(414): I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
(262): That was long passed due.

[That_Guy]

(262)dude i pooped in a bag last night
(414) i know my roommates girlfriend was really off put by that
(262) was it because i asked if she wanted a baberuth
(414) no its because you tossed it at her