94greenbandit
04-18-2009, 11:05 PM
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown
> (Downtown, Savannah)
>
> Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org
> [?]Date:2009-01-06,
> 3:43AM EST
>
> I was the white guy with the
> black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I
>
> hand over shortly after you
> pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You
>
> also asked for my girlfriend's
> purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come
>
> across this
> message.
>
>
> I'd like to apologize. I didn't
> expect you to crap your pants when I
>
> drew my pistol after you took my
> jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the
>
> jacket for a reason that evening,
> and it wasn't that cold outside. You
>
> see, my girlfriend had just
> bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
>
> Christmas, and we had just picked
> up a shoulder holster for it that
>
> evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
> It's a very intimidating weapon when
>
> pointed at your head, isn't
> it?
>
> I know it probably wasn't a great
> deal of fun walking back to wherever
>
> you'd come from with that brown
> sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm
>
> sure it was even worse since you
> also ended up leaving your
> shoes,
>
> cellphone, and wallet with me. I
> couldn't have you calling up any of your
>
> buddies to come help you try to
> mug us again. I took the liberty of
>
> calling your mother, or
> "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and
>
>
> explaining to her your situation.
> I also bought myself some gas on your
>
> card. I gave your shoes to one of
> the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
>
> Go's, along with all of the cash
> in your wallet, then I threw the wallet
>
> itself in a dumpster. I called a
> bunch of phone sex numbers from your
>
> cell. They'll be on your bill in
> case you'd like to know which ones.
>
> Alltel recently shut down the
> line, and I've only had the phone for a
>
> little over a day now, so I don't
> know what's going on with that. I hope
>
> they haven't permanently cut off
> your service. I was about to make some
>
> threatening phone calls to the
> DA's office with it. Oh
> well.
>
> So, about your pants. I know that
> I was a little rough on you when you did
>
> this whole attempted mugging
> thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm
>
> sure you've already washed your
> pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd
>
> like to reimburse you for the
> detergent you used on the pants. What brand
>
> did you use, and was it liquid or
> powder? I'd also like to apologize for
>
> not killing you and instead
> making you walk back home humiliated. I'm
>
> hoping that you'll reconsider
> your choice of path in life. Next time you
>
> might not be so
> lucky.
>
> If you read this message, email
> me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
>
> - Alex
>
> (Downtown, Savannah)
>
> Reply to: pers-982078099@craigslist.org
> [?]Date:2009-01-06,
> 3:43AM EST
>
> I was the white guy with the
> black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I
>
> hand over shortly after you
> pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You
>
> also asked for my girlfriend's
> purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come
>
> across this
> message.
>
>
> I'd like to apologize. I didn't
> expect you to crap your pants when I
>
> drew my pistol after you took my
> jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the
>
> jacket for a reason that evening,
> and it wasn't that cold outside. You
>
> see, my girlfriend had just
> bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for
>
> Christmas, and we had just picked
> up a shoulder holster for it that
>
> evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?
> It's a very intimidating weapon when
>
> pointed at your head, isn't
> it?
>
> I know it probably wasn't a great
> deal of fun walking back to wherever
>
> you'd come from with that brown
> sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm
>
> sure it was even worse since you
> also ended up leaving your
> shoes,
>
> cellphone, and wallet with me. I
> couldn't have you calling up any of your
>
> buddies to come help you try to
> mug us again. I took the liberty of
>
> calling your mother, or
> "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and
>
>
> explaining to her your situation.
> I also bought myself some gas on your
>
> card. I gave your shoes to one of
> the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go
>
> Go's, along with all of the cash
> in your wallet, then I threw the wallet
>
> itself in a dumpster. I called a
> bunch of phone sex numbers from your
>
> cell. They'll be on your bill in
> case you'd like to know which ones.
>
> Alltel recently shut down the
> line, and I've only had the phone for a
>
> little over a day now, so I don't
> know what's going on with that. I hope
>
> they haven't permanently cut off
> your service. I was about to make some
>
> threatening phone calls to the
> DA's office with it. Oh
> well.
>
> So, about your pants. I know that
> I was a little rough on you when you did
>
> this whole attempted mugging
> thing, so I'd like to make it up to you. I'm
>
> sure you've already washed your
> pants, so I'd like to help you out. I'd
>
> like to reimburse you for the
> detergent you used on the pants. What brand
>
> did you use, and was it liquid or
> powder? I'd also like to apologize for
>
> not killing you and instead
> making you walk back home humiliated. I'm
>
> hoping that you'll reconsider
> your choice of path in life. Next time you
>
> might not be so
> lucky.
>
> If you read this message, email
> me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
>
> - Alex
>