Wedding Shower/Gift Scam

[Cjburn]

Alright, I'm getting married at the end of December. The problem I have with weddings is that they're entirely for the bride, period. Here's the largest problem I have with weddings is that they get to pick out gifts that people are supposed to give them. My fiance is having 3 wedding showers plus the wedding gift registry. Although we already have a house, and everything we need for it, she registered for all new everything. New toaster, check, even though the old one we have works, it doesn't match the "color scheme" she wants for the kitchen. New strainer, pots, pans, linens, towels, hand towels, bath mats, blender, coffee pot, silverwear, plates etc... When we decided where we were going to register, I pushed VERY hard for Sears for obvious reasons. So there are a few things from Craftsman on the registry. That is her only compromise. I've been very, very giving as far as what she wants for the wedding, house styling, and just about everything else, since I honestly could give a shit less what color the bathroom is. However, she's really pissed at me when I said that when it comes to the gifts, we're going to subtract the cash value of gifts from her half of the cash that is coming in (minus the $2K or so we'll have to borrow for). She didn't like this idea much, since she thinks the money should be split down the middle. I think I'm right here, and rarely do I ever put my foot down, but I'm going to on this. What do you guys think?

[That_Guy]

you sir have balls... you are my hero.. keep us updated on weather the marriage goes through or not lol...

i think your not asking for much and its a fair compromise

[84hurst]

Sounds fair, unless you are gonna be using all of the gifts but the sound a little femmy. You are a member on BrewCityMuscle not BrewCityVagina. You have needs too, and if that's a brand new Craftsman 1/2'' Impact, why shouldn't you use a fair share of the money to buy it? Tell her she is more than welcome to use it whenever she wants. :thumbsup

[lordairgtar]

Ah, my soon to be married friend, welcome to the twilight zone. Weddings, and their attendant trappings are for the bride...always have been, always will. The fact that food and drink will be present is just a mere acknowledgment that a groom is necessary. Plus the fact that she will need someone to carry all the swag she is just drooling over. Color schemes and kitchens...these are the dominion of the female. Be lucky you get the garage and basement and yard, all the things that require hard labor (cutting grass, fixing things, washing the car) Soon that will be taken away as well when the garage becomes a storage facility for all the crap she will amass and is just too good to give, sell, or throw away. Your car will have to live outside. You sir will be relegated to a small spot in the living room on gameday (if you can talk your way out of crafting and rummage sales) devoid of any company because your rude and loud buddies will not be allowed to set foot in "HER" house. Your only joy will be reduced to muttering while you push the lawn mower around your yard. I wouldn't be too quick to talk about dividing the cash and subtracting values as this will happen soon enough when she decides you have outlived your usefulness and she introduces you to Mr Divorce Attorney. So, my friend, don't attach too much value in whatever kind of swag you score for gifts as that will become the albatross about your neck and any joy and wedded bliss will be a distant painful memory. Let her have her day, it's hers and always will be. That is the way of the world.

[That_Guy]

Ah, my soon to be married friend, welcome to the twilight zone. Weddings, and their attendant trappings are for the bride...always have been, always will. The fact that food and drink will be present is just a mere acknowledgment that a groom is necessary. Plus the fact that she will need someone to carry all the swag she is just drooling over. Color schemes and kitchens...these are the dominion of the female. Be lucky you get the garage and basement and yard, all the things that require hard labor (cutting grass, fixing things, washing the car) Soon that will be taken away as well when the garage becomes a storage facility for all the crap she will amass and is just too good to give, sell, or throw away. Your car will have to live outside. You sir will be relegated to a small spot in the living room on gameday (if you can talk your way out of crafting and rummage sales) devoid of any company because your rude and loud buddies will not be allowed to set foot in "HER" house. Your only joy will be reduced to muttering while you push the lawn mower around your yard. I wouldn't be too quick to talk about dividing the cash and subtracting values as this will happen soon enough when she decides you have outlived your usefulness and she introduces you to Mr Divorce Attorney. So, my friend, don't attach too much value in whatever kind of swag you score for gifts as that will become the albatross about your neck and any joy and wedded bliss will be a distant painful memory. Let her have her day, it's hers and always will be. That is the way of the world.



wow... i have nothing left to look forward to in life..:(
<<<<<

[HRSEPLA]

Keep your pimp hand strong!:thumbsup

[SSDude]

Ah, my soon to be married friend, welcome to the twilight zone. Weddings, and their attendant trappings are for the bride...always have been, always will. The fact that food and drink will be present is just a mere acknowledgment that a groom is necessary. Plus the fact that she will need someone to carry all the swag she is just drooling over. Color schemes and kitchens...these are the dominion of the female. Be lucky you get the garage and basement and yard, all the things that require hard labor (cutting grass, fixing things, washing the car) Soon that will be taken away as well when the garage becomes a storage facility for all the crap she will amass and is just too good to give, sell, or throw away. Your car will have to live outside. You sir will be relegated to a small spot in the living room on gameday (if you can talk your way out of crafting and rummage sales) devoid of any company because your rude and loud buddies will not be allowed to set foot in "HER" house. Your only joy will be reduced to muttering while you push the lawn mower around your yard. I wouldn't be too quick to talk about dividing the cash and subtracting values as this will happen soon enough when she decides you have outlived your usefulness and she introduces you to Mr Divorce Attorney. So, my friend, don't attach too much value in whatever kind of swag you score for gifts as that will become the albatross about your neck and any joy and wedded bliss will be a distant painful memory. Let her have her day, it's hers and always will be. That is the way of the world.

So you were saying you want to get married?

[Silver86]

uh... wow...

[Nix]

I guess I got really lucky. Mife wife is very easy going. 99% of the time I get what I want and 99% of the time she gets what she wants.

I've heard many a horror storys from people such as yourself and I'am thrilled that I have yet to deal with it.

I have dated many women who demanded this and that along with high maitnance type of shit. I refuse to deal with that, also guilt trips. That guilt trip shit dosen't work here, the tears trip dosen't work either.

I have been called many tings and my favorite is a souless monster, maybe Iam? :rolf

Good luck brother! You may want to rethink things through one more time. That type of shit dosen't get any better.

How old are you two?

[u_say_go]

sounds like you guys might want to register at the nearest divorce attorney's office.
All the stuff that she registered for might be her choice, but it's stuff you will be using too. I admire you for standing up for what you believe in, but pity you for what lies ahead.

[Cjburn]

I'm thirty and she's 29. We've been together 3 years and living together for over two now. We don't fight really, disagreements happen, but fighting doesn't happen much. I've accepted the fact the wedding is for the female, I just want a little something extra. I'm in negotiations for the money, but honestly most of it's going to some medical debt I've racked up this year, and the rest of the money to pay off the Mustang. I guess it's a symbolic thing for me, that's really it. Money is just money, but I wanted to know more of what has happened to the guys here after their wedding, and how they worked that out. I did, however, find out today my future mother-in-law is giving me an item off of my part of the registry (1/2 deep, metric impact sockets), and that someone else has bought the bench grinder.

[shoooo32]

relax... this is only the first of many times you will bend over and grab your ankles for "her special day". My family is very large (and Italian) so the amount of money my side gave vs. hers was significant. However being a gentleman I split it 50/50 and paid for most of the wedding myself. If shes important enough to spend the rest of your life with, why squabble over some sockets?:shades

[b4mytm]

I didn't even think of splitting the money we got.It went towards both of our bills and towards the honeymoon.

As far as the gifts we registered for,yeah we got alot of stuff for the house,but we needed new stuff.
I do wish we would have thought of registering at Sears.I wouldn't have minded at all if we would have got some tools aswell.

[Windsors 03 Cobra]

Stuff is stuff, crap is crap. Who cares if ya got it or not ? You'll have it some day, life is too short to worry about some crap stuff.

[wrath]

Does she work for a living? Is there a giant income gap between the two of you? Is this the only "mad money" she's going to amass?

It's not fair that most of what you'll be getting as a couple is stuff that she wants/chose. However, there is a fair amount of it you'll be using. I'd probably try to influence it a little bit.

I would probably just split it 50/50. You'll have leverage in the near future. Especially when she buys a bunch of yellow flowered placemats with her 50% and wants to use your 50% to buy matching napkin holders. You can say "sorry, I'm using mine to buy a lawnmower to mow our lawn, ceiling fans for the bedrooms, and a new storage shed for all of the shit you displaced".

[whitepony]

Welcome to the world of marriage! You will now be sharing everything and yes that includes the checking account! Considering i don't know you or your fiance' I'm not going to offer my ENTIRE opinion. But, personally... Save the fighting for something thats worth fighting for... not silly things like money and wedding gifts. Just because you want something manly on the register..........

Happily married for 3+ years:)

lordairgtar and shoooo32 are both right:)

[Rocket Power]

It's all about picking your battles.:D
15 years this year.

[fivonut]

it doesn't matter what you do with the cash, half of whatever you buy is her's anyway.

[lordairgtar]

So you were saying you want to get married?
I actually wish I could. My GF of nine happy years has a disability and gets her late father's railroad bennies. If we get married, that stops and she can't work. We have never had a fight. The only time she got upset and hurt was when I didn't get her a card for some special day. She is really into those kinds of things and remembers everyone's birthday, anniversary or special occasion. I love my Lori.

[lordairgtar]

Welcome to the world of marriage! You will now be sharing everything and yes that includes the checking account! Considering i don't know you or your fiance' I'm not going to offer my ENTIRE opinion. But, personally... Save the fighting for something thats worth fighting for... not silly things like money and wedding gifts. Just because you want something manly on the register..........

Happily married for 3+ years:)

lordairgtar and shoooo32 are both right:)
Thanks Whitepony, that is what I was trying to say in my somewhat strange sense of humor. Money winds up being the major thing in marital arguements. Don't fight over money before you even walked down that aisle.

[shoooo32]

Planning a wedding and all the crap that goes with it was hands down the most stressful time of my life. It strained our relationship however looking back at the stuff we fought about makes me laugh. Don't sweat over the little stuff and your future wife will repay you in spades for your kind nature. Or she'll clean you out.:goof:rolf:rolf

[whitepony]

^ lol... I LOVE weddings! I'm around them pretty much 365 days a year.... But, thats just me. literally.... i think it is JUST me.

[Voodoo Chick]

I dunno.......IMO, when the bride starts seeing the whole shebang as being about HER, it kinda pisses me off. I have been married 11 years, I didn't want the big fancy wedding, and as for the (small!) amount of money we received from the few family/friends that gave a damn, we shared equally.

[Mr Twigbert]

My thought is that you are not even married yet and she already has your balls in her purse..

I'm not trying to be a cawk here but come'on!

Stand your ground.. If you guys can't work out a small argument like this then you won't be able to work out harder ones like kids, BIGGER money issues, you going out with your friends once kids come, jobs, her job AFTER the kid is born.. These are all problems the lifeless blood sucker, err, I mean my wife had to work out during our 5 years of being hitched..

Just my thoughts, hope all works out..