Prenub opinions

[Smokey1226]

This question came up at our family get together and i want to hear everyones ideas/opinions over the topic.


EDIT: its been a long day, PRENUP for those picky people!

[Car Guy]

What the hell is a PRENUB...??? :confused






:3gears: :3gears: :3gears:

[Windsors 03 Cobra]

Google says drugs.

[hrsp]

drugs are bad...mmmmmkay

[Smokey1226]

lol damn you guys are picky


PreNUP FTW

[michelle]

I can see it both ways:

1) If you think one is necessary, then you should reconsider getting married.
2) If you have money/toys/etc that are worth a lot and you want to make sure it stays on your side of the family no matter what, then use one. It shouldn't matter to the other person unless they want to get their hands on all of your stuff.

[Smokey1226]

I can see it both ways:

1) If you think one is necessary, then you should reconsider getting married.
2) If you have money/toys/etc that are worth a lot and you want to make sure it stays on your side of the family no matter what, then use one. It shouldn't matter to the other person unless they want to get their hands on all of your stuff.

great point. And those both were points brought up tonight. But one thing i thought was interesting was how many of my younger cousins that just recently married are now either divorced are now going through it. Granted most of them were in debt to start with so no one had one in place, but they told me they will never get married again without one. Just kinda made me think a little bit

[michelle]

great point. And those both were points brought up tonight. But one thing i thought was interesting was how many of my younger cousins that just recently married are now either divorced are now going through it. Granted most of them were in debt to start with so no one had one in place, but they told me they will never get married again without one. Just kinda made me think a little bit

I've gone back and forth about it personally. Adam and I both have items that our family own that could someday be passed down to us (I hate thinking about that sort of thing, but my parents just got their wills all figured out so I had to hear all about it) and my family would prefer to keep certain stuff "in the family", although we have a really small family so it's a little tough. But anyways, it would be more to keep peace within both families and to prevent anybody worrying about things. I'm not worried about ever having to put it in use though if we do end up going the prenup route.

[Smokey1226]

Well thats just it, my Grandfather owned a bunch of land up north as well as a cabin that my dad bought from them when he got sick. And now with a recent purchase of some more land that was for sale right next to our current land, they already said they will NOT allow that land to go to someone else. That and with our business's, i would hate (God Forbid) something bad to happen in the long run and be forced to sell everything to split its value down the middle.

I just didnt know how others felt. So thanks Michelle you make me feel a lot better about the situation!

[Yooformula]

IF I were rich, it might be a concern but then I would have to question why I was marrying that person to begin with. I either want to share my life and wealth or I dont...there really is no inbetween.

[Prince Valiant]

Ain't gettin' no pre-nup. What we make, we make together. Should we ever split, it get's split. I have no problems with this.

The law recognizes that I have a fair amount of assets before marriage, and that that remains rightfully mine should we get a divorce. In general, what you have before marriage can remain yours, especially if inherited or willed to you.

A pre-nup would only help if I wanted to operate under different rules than above. This wouldn't seem quite fair to either myself or meg especially since our marriage will probably keep her from living up to her full income potential to seek a "family life" w/ me.

What makes divorces difficult for many even without children isn't really that they didn't have a pre-nup...it's that they have estates that aren't easily divided. Examples of this? People who don't have cash, savings/retirement accounts, assets that aren't easily sold off, homes in which there is little equity or difficult to sell. Then, one party generally gets to keep the asset/estate, while paying off the other, or taking less in support payments to make the divorce settlement closer to that 50/50 distribution the law calls for. In these cases, pre-nups aren't really that helpful either.

As Yoo states, if I were fabulously rich, I'd probably seek a pre-nup....just to agree to a fair and large settlement, but not really a 50% of what I wealth grew during the time we were married...simply because those "fabulously wealthy" wealth grows in large part due to the wealth the had prior to the marriage.

[05caddyext]

Look at the odds here. 50% of all marriages don't last. I THEORY material possesions shouldn't matter. But you know what? You only live 1 time. You only have so many chances to get things right. If your family has something that belongs to YOUR family, why should the other person get half? That's rediculous. The whole idea of a 50/50 is just as outdated as affirmitive action.
You can't, nor should you risk, half of what you have already just because you are getting married. Some people live completely separate lives, some people share everything. You have to do what is right for YOU, not BOTH of you.

[Crawlin]

Look at the woman saying no to a prenup. Well no SHIT, when in court no matter what, THEY get everything anyways. As much as everyone sits here and says, 50% this, 50% that, bullshit. Have you ever seen a happily divorced person? Half the people I see had to claim BK after the divorce, because the female's lawyer told her that since the DEBT is split 50%, to go buy whatever she wants on those shared C.C.'s and he has to pay half anyways. I've seen guys come through tha had to BK on 50g's of credit card debt from their ex-wife. Houses foreclosed, Car's repoed, etc...

Then again, ALIMONY? What the **** is that? If the wife was happy and husband cheated, buy all means. If it were opposite, then damn straight the man should be getting paid. Again, once you leave, what makes a person think they deserve anything? Again, it's a comedian saying, but once you leave a restaurant, they don't owe you a steak.

Then like P.V. said, because it's a 2-job society nowadays, it means that both adults ahd to work to be able to support the mortgage. Now with one not paying on the house, the other one cannot refinance it under their own name, now it's ******* both people because they can't get it into one person's name, and that one person can't afford the payment, which in turn ****s up BOTH people's credit.

Besides, IF it were to end, and god only knows that isn't what a person truly wants to happen when they marry someone, but again, IF it were to end... is everyone always hunky dory? Or are they vindictive? Sorry, but I'll choose to protect what little or great assets I have.

Chris Rock said it best....

"If I had 30 million, and you want half, I'm not gonna miss that 15million. I'm not starving. But if I make 30thousand and you want 15, I ain't moving back home with my momma cause you ain't in love"

[juicedimpss]

IF I were rich, it might be a concern but then I would have to question why I was marrying that person to begin with. I either want to share my life and wealth or I dont...there really is no inbetween.

i disagree.
go from living "comfortable" to eating ramen noodles and see if your saying the same thing.

prenup FTW.

as odd as it seems,when feelings change,people do become vindictive.

[DynoTom]

i disagree.
go from living "comfortable" to eating ramen noodles and see if your saying the same thing.

prenup FTW.

as odd as it seems,when feelings change,people do become vindictive.



I agree with Ron 100 % on this !:thumbsup

[Smokey1226]

I agree with Ron 100 % on this !:thumbsup

I do as well, and to add to what he said, one of my cousins currently going through a divorce had everything going just fine. They both agreed they werent going to take it to court. They were going to take both of their stuff and just go seperate ways. Then when the house sells everything will be great, split it and send her the check......


Well 2 months later she either found another guy or someone talked her mind into different things, and now she wants EVERYTHING and wants the money from the house now eventhough it hasnt sold yet! Crazy stuff happens to people.

[GRAMPS SS]

way to go ron,.....from my side of once being divorced...that paper don't mean shit...you have to renew it every 2 years...you don't..your screwed...also..it's up to the judge anyways on who gets what...the paper don't mean crapola in this state it's a 50/50 state....mine was a happy divorce...i got rid of her.....

side note...a friend of mine who owned a very big company in the falls got divorced...he had that prenup....she took his azz to the cleaners to the tune of over 5 million smackolas...and child support and she got the house....yep...this state is fair....
the only one i know that got the upper hand was Al with the charger,.....he came out smelling like a rose...that's one in a million that i know of....

so if your going to get married...make sure....and i do believe inheritance in this state is not dividable...you inherited it..it's yours..not to be shared...my ex didn't get any of mine when my mother died..judge told her lawyer that's his....

just my 2 cents.............

[Crawlin]

any assets that you inherit, as long as you keep them in a seperate account, will remain yours in a divorce.

if you inherit 10,000 and put it into a join checking account, even though it was inherited by you, it will get split in a divorce.

My parents are going through this stuff with their will, and making sure that my sister and I understand what's going on since they have been taking alot of trips lately and with my dad's share of the construction company.

[loud91rs]

Ron and Chris speak the truth on this one...the nicest women change very quickly when stuff like this is on the line and they always get what they want. The men get screwed.

[HRSEPLA]

No predubs:)
Take the time dating to make sure you marry the right person, and there is NO 'if it does'nt work'. It's not an option. When you take your vows, it is saying we will do whatever it takes no matter what to make it work.

[pOrk]

fukn a right If you marry and cant makeit work, then theres a problem and you arent working hard enough to solve it. The girl I marry wil be my wife for the rest of my life, not saying she wont kill me but my word is my word and divorce is not an option.


No predubs:)
Take the time dating to make sure you marry the right person, and there is NO 'if it does'nt work'. It's not an option. When you take your vows, it is saying we will do whatever it takes no matter what to make it work.

[juicedimpss]

fukn a right If you marry and cant makeit work, then theres a problem and you arent working hard enough to solve it. The girl I marry wil be my wife for the rest of my life, not saying she wont kill me but my word is my word and divorce is not an option.

so you would try to make it work if she cheated on you?
:goof
sometimes people change,their feelings change. you cant FORCE someone to want to make things work,even if you are willing to.

[Heat Seeker WS6]

so you would try to make it work if she cheated on you?
:goof
sometimes people change,their feelings change. you cant FORCE someone to want to make things work,even if you are willing to.

Agreed...
Im divorced and we choose ultimately to live happily, not in misery. Kids or other assets were not solutions. Did not have a prenup, but she didnt want the car or things that were my life- not hers; nor did I want her stuff. I was lucky it was 'peaceful' still when it came to itemizing. BUT when it became bad, it was too late to modify 'the list'.
Every situation & person is different.

[HRSEPLA]

so you would try to make it work if she cheated on you?
:goof
sometimes people change,their feelings change. you cant FORCE someone to want to make things work,even if you are willing to.


Would you truly cheat if you had everything you needed? physically, emotionally, companionship(ly:)), etc.?
If all your needs are fulfilled by someone who has your best interests in mind, whether it be your job, car, or expecially your relationship, you have no need to look elsewhere in my opinion(men and women).
You can't 'force' them to work, but your love and commitment to your vows will make them WANT to, and keep there promise to.

Now I gotta go get Tina some lunch before she takes half my shit.. lol cya

[Smokey1226]

Would you truly cheat if you had everything you needed? physically, emotionally, companionship(ly:)), etc.?
.

Your living in fantasy land my friend. Every relationship ive been in or watched others in.....its never Perfect all of the time. All it takes is one BIG fight and someone could do something stupid. Its our nature as humans, emotions play big roles.

And too me one mistake is too many, and im not willing to lose everything i bust my butt for day in and day out too because of one stupid mistake.

[juicedimpss]

Would you truly cheat if you had everything you needed? physically, emotionally, companionship(ly:)), etc.?
If all your needs are fulfilled by someone who has your best interests in mind, whether it be your job, car, or expecially your relationship, you have no need to look elsewhere in my opinion(men and women).
You can't force them to work, but your love will make them WANT to, and keep there promise to.

in a perfect world where(when) people had morals,i would agree 100% with you sammy. BUT,this is far from being a perfect world and some people think the grass is greener.

[pOrk]

so you would try to make it work if she cheated on you?
:goof
sometimes people change,their feelings change. you cant FORCE someone to want to make things work,even if you are willing to.

My girl wouldn't cheat on me and I wouldn't cheat on her. We both have morals, if she didn't I wouldn't be with her.

Its the people with attitudes like yours that don't find the happiness that some of us are blessed to have.

And no relationship is perfect, but by getting married it means through good times and bad. Not **** she is mad at me I better sell all my shit and get a divorce.

[Car Guy]

^^^ What if your wife (if/when you get married) would happen to cheat on you, would you still be with her...???

I can see both sides of everybody's argument but you can NEVER predict the future and what will ultimately happen. It's just not possible and if you think any different you're naive.....






:3gears: :3gears: :3gears:

[Karps TA]

The fact of the matter is people change. And if you have anything you feel you want protected, then you best lookout for yourself cause nobody else will.

People act like everyone goes into a marriage thinking they will get divorced. Everyone thinks the person they are with, they will marry and be with forever. Nobody goes in thinking otherwise. But the divorce rate in this country isn't as high as it is for no reason. I've seen couples I NEVER thought would ever have a problem end up divorced in a couple years, and couples I wouldn't have given their marriage 2 weeks, last over 10 now. It's a crap shoot.

Personally I would be more leary of marrying someone who would be upset about doing a prenup.

[Car Guy]

Personally I would be more leary of marrying someone who would be upset about doing a prenup.

Exactly, because what does it matter if you're marrying someone for the person inside and not material things. It's just like the whole "how much did you spend on her ring" crap, well if love is 'blind' what does it matter how much was spent.....

I feel that people in general are way too caught up in material things and should be more worried about 'life' itself.....:thumbsup






:3gears: :3gears: :3gears:

[HRSEPLA]

I live in a very real world, every day.
I agree, no marriage is perfect all the time, and there are BIG arguements, it's how you handle them that gets you thought them...
Too many people think it just as easy to just hit the 'reset' button like on their game system..
It can work. No prenup needed.

[Car Guy]

^^^ Sam, even if your significant other was to be unfaithful...???

I will agree that almost anything can be worked out but infidelity is the ultimate 'wrong' in a marraige.....






:3gears: :3gears: :3gears:

[pOrk]

^ You keep saying that, you are obviously dating the wrong kind of women.

My parents have been married for 30 years, my grandparents for 52 years on my mothers side, and 56 on my fathers side. My great grand parents, etc etc etc.

I was raised to not give up as well as make relatively good decisions. If I had any doubt in my mind about Lisa, there wouldn't be a relationship. I trust her 100%, and yes we bicker and get into arguments but what two people don't?

I also fight for my friendships, those close to me know the kind of guy I am even though I come off as an ass hole on here :) No worrys, not only do I believe my marriage ( when it happens ) will last forever, but my brothers as well. Statistics don't mean anything, I don't make nearly as much as a lot of my friends and I am not in debt to anyone. Stop following the media, they aren't headed in the right direction.

[michelle]

^ You keep saying that, you are obviously dating the wrong kind of women.

My parents have been married for 30 years, my grandparents for 52 years on my mothers side, and 56 on my fathers side. My great grand parents, etc etc etc.

I was raised to not give up as well as make relatively good decisions. If I had any doubt in my mind about Lisa, there wouldn't be a relationship. I trust her 100%, and yes we bicker and get into arguments but what two people don't?

I also fight for my friendships, those close to me know the kind of guy I am even though I come off as an ass hole on here :) No worrys, not only do I believe my marriage ( when it happens ) will last forever, but my brothers as well. Statistics don't mean anything, I don't make nearly as much as a lot of my friends and I am not in debt to anyone. Stop following the media, they aren't headed in the right direction.

I like your view on relationships/marriage. Nice to hear a positive attitude for once. I was out with some friends of my sister's that I knew for 15 minutes and they were already giving me marriage advice, also known as the "don't do it" plan because their relationships didn't work and they are in their late 20's, so that must mean that mine won't work since I am only 21.

:thumbsup

[pOrk]

I suppose I feel the way I do because of the way I was raised, but also when I met Lisa I didn't have much and she has every right to everything I do have because she was right there by my side since I was 18. Big woop, just shy of 6 years a lot of people say. But if everyone know what it took to get where we were, they would believe me when I say we are in it till the end.

Cheesy or not, I love her to death and NOTHING will change it.

[Car Guy]

^ You keep saying that, you are obviously dating the wrong kind of women.

Well for one you need to stop assuming things about other people that you don't know, because I am NOT dating one of those women :thumbsup . If anything my wife (MARRIED! :shades ) is the COMPLETE opposite of that 'kind', but I'll be the first one to admit that I don't know for sure it will be that way forever.....

It's just a valid question about a situation that could happen, whether you think it will or not. That's all, nothing more.....:)






:3gears: :3gears: :3gears:

[pOrk]

Just making statements on which your replys lead, didn't mean to offend.

I trust Lisa to make her own decisions and she has never given me a reason to think otherwise. Thats my story and I'm sticking to it.

[moels]

The laws really steer you into thinking of a pre-nup. If I'm married and cheat, she should get half my stuff. If I'm married and she cheats, should she still get half my stuff? No fault divorce states suck. People change, and not always for the better.

[lordairgtar]

I suppose I feel the way I do because of the way I was raised, but also when I met Lisa I didn't have much and she has every right to everything I do have because she was right there by my side since I was 18. Big woop, just shy of 6 years a lot of people say. But if everyone know what it took to get where we were, they would believe me when I say we are in it till the end.

Cheesy or not, I love her to death and NOTHING will change it.
FTW^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Heat Seeker WS6]

WI's a no-fault state. Cheating doesnt have much bearing if any in the courts here.

[DynoTom]

For how vengefull and crazy I have seen women get just in dating "break ups" there is no way in hell I'm going to marry one and think she would be civilized in a divorce !

[Berettaspeed]

YES for prenub. YOU NEVER KNOW who the person is until they try to get back at you. people are just as unpredicable as animals.(we are animals duh) but yeah, you never know how low some people will get if you piss them off enough.

I VOTE HELL YES!

[Prince Valiant]

I like how everyone spouts off that 50% of all mariages end in divorce though...while this is "true", it's also very misleading.

The fact of the matter is this:

roughly 33% of first time marriages end in divorce...and then of these, most of these couples will at some point re-marry (roughly 3 in 4). Of THESE marriages, just under 50% will...so we aren't even close to 50% yet!

Why do people say 50% of married couples divorce is due to a simplistic approach to figuring out the statistic...how do they do it? Roughly 7.5 people out of 1000 get married every year....and roughly 3.7 couples divorce every year. The flaw is that when figured THIS way, the people getting divorced AREN'T the ones getting married that year.

And divorce rates aren't increasing, but instead, they are decreasing. During the mid 60's and through the 70's, rates did increase...but since 1980, the rate has gone down.

Also, one needs to look at demographics...one can say," Well, that still means divorce rates are still 33%...still pretty high!" to which I'd say you then need to look at WHOM you're talking too to be accurate....let's face it, african americans, whites, hispanics, highly educated, low educated, young/old/etc all have different rates of divorced. If I look at meg and I's divorce rates, I feel pretty good...only 16% of couples who fit our demo's end in divorce...

What am I saying? Marriage isn't as bleak or in trouble as most make it out to be...

[Yooformula]

marriage is what WE make of it. The ego and pride must be checked at the door for the couple.

[HRSEPLA]

[QUOTE=Car Guy;400779]^^^ Sam, even if your significant other was to be unfaithful...???

I will agree that almost anything can be worked out but infidelity is the ultimate 'wrong' in a marraige.....

Yes, I agree that infidelity is not tolerated. Period.
But I also think (in my opinion) that it can usually be prevented if all the needs (and these are many things) are met, and there is always a long list of signs and 'cries for help' looong before someone cheats.
People do change for sure! But marriage is the vow to promise to change together as you get older, not stay married to the same 20 year old.. or whatever age.
Maybe I do live in a fantasy world, but I have seen it work and seen it not.
No for prenups.