funniest shit you ever said to your girlfriend thread, cause mine is hilarious

[1siksrt]

Ok so i get off work around 330am mon-fri from UPS, after working fulltime 2nd and school etc. So im really tired

SUpposedly I was sleeping and my girlfriend woke up to go to work at like 6am and starting getting all touchy feely, talking dirty and wanted to mess around...

I said to her " Not now baby i'll do it tommorow" In my sleep:rolf:rolf:rolf:rolf I dont recall this, but thiink its freaking hilarious...

[badass88gt]

I was laying over her once pinned on the floor, tickling her. I drooled a huge loogie right into her mouth. She didnt see the humor in it.

[moels]

One girl I was dating was pretty stupid. I convinced her that after I piitb there was chocolate on my **** and she needed to lick it off.

[That_Guy]

i got asked to go to the mall..i said no.. she ask why i replied...

"well because i hate going from shop to shop and the only thing that makes it remotely worth it is that some day GOD WILLING some dumb blonde might stumble out of a changing room wearing something either scantly clad or possible forget her top all together."

from that day forth i havent been roped into going to the mall unless its under my own will.

[1siksrt]

i got asked to go to the mall..i said no.. she ask why i replied...

"well because i hate going from shop to shop and the only thing that makes it remotely worth it is that some day GOD WILLING some dumb blonde might stumble out of a changing room wearing something either scantly clad or possible forget her top all together."

from that day forth i havent been roped into going to the mall unless its under my own will.

damn, way to tell it like it is:rolf

[That_Guy]

damn, way to tell it like it is:rolf

yeah.. she didnt talk to me for a while

[Mr Twigbert]

I once told a girlfriend (current wife) that I loved here.. HA HA HA.. Stupid ***** believed me..

[70 cutlass 442]

I once told a girlfriend (current wife) that I loved here.. HA HA HA.. Stupid ***** believed me..


:rolf:rolf

[Waver]

Well I was working on one of my cars that I had.....My girlfriend at the time called, and I was trying to figure out a way to break up woth her....She wanted me to come over and I told her I was working on my car..She said that I spent more time working on my car than I did with her, so I told her that maybe if I spent 5,000 on her sorry ass I would spend time workng on her....she didnt like that but my buddy did lol

[michelle]

You guys aren't very nice.

[That_Guy]

You guys aren't very nice.

listen... either i could be a liar or brutally honest.. either way im an asshole. :rolf

[1siksrt]

You guys aren't very nice.

THis shit is funny and im very nice to my g-friend thank you:D

[70 cutlass 442]

You guys aren't very nice.

some girls shouldnt be treated nice.

[That_Guy]

some girls shouldnt be treated nice.

holy shit thats funny that you say that... my buddies where telling my girlfriend the other day that if you treat a chick like shit that she would stay around lol....:rolf

[spindler27]

holy shit thats funny that you say that... my buddies where telling my girlfriend the other day that if you treat a chick like shit that she would stay around lol....:rolf

some feel that they can "gain" your respect, or earn the right to be treated better, so they stick around, stupid whores! its happened a couple times and i had to be so brutally honest and mean to FINALLY get them away i couldn't believe what i had said, but its the truth, some stick around just to gain the respect

[Smokey1226]

Ive always treated my lady friends like Royalty, its just how i was brought up and my Dad/G-pa would of and will kick my arse till i cant stand if i didn't. ANd anyone that knows me really well can tell you its true. However, there are sometimes when i cant hold back anymore and say something that gets me into a lot of trouble. Im used to it by now though, so i just spend my time working/golfing/lifting. Much MUCH less stress in my life.

[LIZMO]

yea, i don't get why girls are attracted to assholes. haha. all my chick friends have put up with assholes as boyfriends and i never see why. if a guy treats me like shit i say peace outt

[zerepdivad]

bitches aint shit but ho's and tricks.

[70 cutlass 442]

bitches aint shit but ho's and tricks.

so lick on deese, well you get the point.

[dfr225]

as Smokey1226 (my cousin) said, my family raised us to be good to woman. or at least i took it upon myself to be that "good guy".

haven't said anything mean to her. treat her like she should be treated lol.

[70 cutlass 442]

as Smokey1226 (my cousin) said, my family raised us to be good to woman. or at least i took it upon myself to be that "good guy".

haven't said anything mean to her. treat her like she should be treated lol.

I admire your gentlemen like attitude, but lets face it. sometimes girls are bitches, and they should reightfully be put in their place. and that i have absolutely no problem in doing so.

[forest]

[QUOTE=Smokey1226;378678]Ive always treated my lady friends like Royalty, its just how i was brought up and my Dad/G-pa would of and will kick my arse till i cant stand if i didn't.



+1

[Mr Twigbert]

QUOTE=Smokey1226;378678]Ive always treated my lady friends like Royalty, its just how i was brought up and my Dad/G-pa would of and will kick my arse till i cant stand if i didn't.



+1

http://www.themadhat.com/images/vader-fail.jpg

[johnny--2k]

I'm gonna have to go with smokey on this one. I'm always nice to women, and it's just my nature, but if push comes to shove, I'll let her know what I really think if it comes down to it. I went off on my buddies GF (who I have known longer than him) infront of him, and even he was in shock because he never expected it to come from me.

Anyone on here that knows me fairly well will say I'm a pretty laid back person, and I really dont mind taking shit in a joking manner, but if you go too far, I will just EXPLODE!!!!

[ND4SPD]

I admire your gentlemen like attitude, but lets face it. sometimes girls are bitches, and they should reightfully be put in their place. and that i have absolutely no problem in doing so.

Then don't hang around those women.

[Reverend Cooper]

yea, i don't get why girls are attracted to assholes. haha. all my chick friends have put up with assholes as boyfriends and i never see why. if a guy treats me like shit i say peace outt

because all you chicks think you can change us.......ha ha jokes on my wife

[nismodave]

because all you chicks think you can change us.......ha ha jokes on my wife

:rolf:rolf:rolf

[moels]

because all you chicks think you can change us.......ha ha jokes on my wife


Best post of the thread!

[michelle]

yea, i don't get why girls are attracted to assholes. haha. all my chick friends have put up with assholes as boyfriends and i never see why. if a guy treats me like shit i say peace outt

There's usually a nice benefit to dating those asshole/jerk boyfriends. Makes them worth it for a little while. But eventually they get boring and you can easily find another jerk to date for awhile. That cycle continues until you find one that is really nice for the first few months and only turns into an asshole after you fall in love. Then you are just stuck. And become an alcoholic.

[LIZMO]

There's usually a nice benefit to dating those asshole/jerk boyfriends. Makes them worth it for a little while. But eventually they get boring and you can easily find another jerk to date for awhile. That cycle continues until you find one that is really nice for the first few months and only turns into an asshole after you fall in love. Then you are just stuck. And become an alcoholic.

haha i like the 'and become an alcoholic'
i still don't see the point in dating someone who treats you like sh!t. lol. ah well.

[Flicktitty]

haha i like the 'and become an alcoholic'
i still don't see the point in dating someone who treats you like sh!t. lol. ah well.

**** you *****

[LIZMO]

oh shut it nick! :)

[Smokey1226]

**** you *****

atta boy!

[spindler27]

i follow the "respect is earned not given" motto, i treat most girls with the upmost respect, but sometimes it takes an act of god to get them to stay away!

[Deggy]

i follow the "respect is earned not given" motto, i treat most girls with the upmost respect, but sometimes it takes an act of god to get them to stay away!

Liar

[1siksrt]

^^^Joel treat girls w/ respect thats a good one:rolf

[michelle]

^^^Joel treat girls w/ respect thats a good one:rolf

Yeah Joel is such a sweetheart.....

[88Nightmare]

theres only one guy in town you need to talk to about how to treat a lady


http://www.andybiggart.com/Pages/Journal/2004/06-June/quagmire.gif

[forest]

theres only one guy in town you need to talk to about how to treat a lady


http://www.andybiggart.com/Pages/Journal/2004/06-June/quagmire.gif

:rolf

[LIZMO]

giggidy

[awsomeears]

" Why don't you swallow "

:rolf

[Reverend Cooper]

sorry i put it in your butt

[PureSound15]

sorry i put it in your butt

I'm not sure there's any other hole to choose from with the people (coughMENcough) you have sex with.


P.s. I'll put your navigation in soon. I promise.


And you can't put it in my butt

[Reverend Cooper]

youve never complained before

[LIZMO]

awkward... lol

[Mr Twigbert]

"That 16 year old I banged last week didn't mind it"

[PureSound15]

"That 16 year old I banged last week didn't mind it"

Geez.. for a cop, you sure do sound a lot like a priest.:stare

[Crawlin]

As Junk, FarmTruck, Lawler, etc... can all attest to this being true....

Me - "Well don't you have to get going?"
Her - "No, I'm tired so can I stay here?"
Me - "No."
Her - "But I'm really tired"
Me - "Yeah, you need to go"

[wikked]

There's usually a nice benefit to dating those asshole/jerk boyfriends. Makes them worth it for a little while.

Can't wait to hear this 'benefit' :)

[Voodoo Chick]

Sometimes, when you are dating a total a**hole, you think, "Awwww, there's really just a sad, scared little boy inside, that's why he acts like such a douche......Poor guy, I'll help him..." Then one day you wake up and realize, no, he's really just an a**hole, and dump his sorry a**. Hopefully before you have become an alcoholic........

[Crawlin]

Sometimes, when you are dating a total a**hole, you think, "Awwww, there's really just a sad, scared little boy inside, that's why he acts like such a douche......Poor guy, I'll help him..." Then one day you wake up and realize, no, he's really just an a**hole, and dump his sorry a**. Hopefully before you have become an alcoholic........

let's put a little sidebar to this one....

"while countless number of ACTUAL good guys have passed you by wanting a chance, only to be turned down because maybe a hair is out of place. Only for them to miss their chance with someone because they've been rejected and are now shy"

[LIZMO]

let's put a little sidebar to this one....

"while countless number of ACTUAL good guys have passed you by wanting a chance, only to be turned down because maybe a hair is out of place. Only for them to miss their chance with someone because they've been rejected and are now shy"

aww thats totally true.

[Want_Notch]

"What do you mean that was your twin sister?"

[70 cutlass 442]

let's put a little sidebar to this one....

"while countless number of ACTUAL good guys have passed you by wanting a chance, only to be turned down because maybe a hair is out of place. Only for them to miss their chance with someone because they've been rejected and are now shy"

exactly, thats why if you cant beat em, join them. I get more tale now that im an obnoxious ass then i ever did when i was "that nice guy" and its decent tale too

[Reverend Cooper]

Sometimes, when you are dating a total a**hole, you think, "Awwww, there's really just a sad, scared little boy inside, that's why he acts like such a douche......Poor guy, I'll help him..." Then one day you wake up and realize, no, he's really just an a**hole, and dump his sorry a**. Hopefully before you have become an alcoholic........

once again my point is proven,you all just want to try to change us. haha jokes on you suckas

[Crawlin]

just was doing it now.

25 y/o girl, dating a 34 y/o guy. guy hasn't worked in 2 years. she pays every bill they have, rent electric, internet, cable, etc... then on top of that, HE takes money from her to go to the bar every day and to play cards with his buddies. When she only makes $25,000/year, that's not alot left over for her. Always yelling at her, always talking shit to her, always threatening her. I come along saying how stupid that crap is. We start hanging out, and then I get the, "you are way too nice. i don't deserve someone like you, blah blah blah blah blah." Amazing how someone can say how I'm the best thing to happen to her and that I've made her realize that she doesn't need the asshole anymore. YET, god forbid she actually wants to still be with someone like that. No sweat off my back... you want to go back to an abusive relationship, it's only gonna come bite you in the ass in time.

[michelle]

Can't wait to hear this 'benefit' :)

Do I really need to explain it? (:

[Cjburn]

Greatest line of all time. Long time ago, a group of guys took their girlfriends up to Lake Delton for a week of fun. Chad was dating a ***** named BreAnn at the time, BreAnn was a health freak, Chad however was not too big into eating healthy and excersizing (he wasn't fat though). One afternoon while we're all watching TV in the cabin, BreAnn was in the kitchen doing the dishes. Chad asks her to grab him a soda...

BreAnn, "NO, you don't need a soda."
Chad; "I know, I just want one."
BreAnn; "I'll get you some juice, do you want apple or grape."
Chad; "I don't want juice, I want a F UCKING SODA!"
BreAnn; "You don't need a soda, it's not good for you."
Chad; "For christ sake, I'll just get the damned soda myself."
BreAnn; "You don't need one, you're getting FAT!"
Chad, without skipping a beat, looking straight at her; "Yeah, and you F UCK like a dead animal, now get me a soda."

BreAnn ran into the bedroom and started crying. Chad got up and asked if anyone wanted a soda, he went to kitchen grabbed himself a soda, as he sat down he said "B ITCH" loud enough for here to hear it in the bedroom. Absolutely one of the funniest exchanges I've ever seen. I don't advocate being mean to a girlfriend, but this girl was a cunt, and absolutely deserved it. Chad wasn't heavy, and still isn't. This girl was a pretentious self absorbed b itch and no one can stand her to this day.

[michelle]

Greatest line of all time. Long time ago, a group of guys took their girlfriends up to Lake Delton for a week of fun. Chad was dating a ***** named BreAnn at the time, BreAnn was a health freak, Chad however was not too big into eating healthy and excersizing (he wasn't fat though). One afternoon while we're all watching TV in the cabin, BreAnn was in the kitchen doing the dishes. Chad asks her to grab him a soda...

BreAnn, "NO, you don't need a soda."
Chad; "I know, I just want one."
BreAnn; "I'll get you some juice, do you want apple or grape."
Chad; "I don't want juice, I want a F UCKING SODA!"
BreAnn; "You don't need a soda, it's not good for you."
Chad; "For christ sake, I'll just get the damned soda myself."
BreAnn; "You don't need one, you're getting FAT!"
Chad, without skipping a beat, looking straight at her; "Yeah, and you F UCK like a dead animal, now get me a soda."

BreAnn ran into the bedroom and started crying. Chad got up and asked if anyone wanted a soda, he went to kitchen grabbed himself a soda, as he sat down he said "B ITCH" loud enough for here to hear it in the bedroom. Absolutely one of the funniest exchanges I've ever seen. I don't advocate being mean to a girlfriend, but this girl was a cunt, and absolutely deserved it. Chad wasn't heavy, and still isn't. This girl was a pretentious self absorbed b itch and no one can stand her to this day.

So they got married, huh? (:

[Smokey1226]

Bit<hes R Crazy, nuff said. And if i ever hear "Im not like most girls, im different" one more f-ing time i swear to GOD, im going to jail.....

They're all the same, Crazy, and need to wake up. As my young Brother once told me...."Is the F u Cking your getting, worth the F u Cking your getting?"

Think about it!

[johnny--2k]

haha....so true.

Crawlin, Been there, done that, moved on. What's the point of even trying anymore just to get some BS line like that.....f uckin women.....Crazy is not the word.

[Smokey1226]

If women didnt have Vagaina's Men would hunt them. Thats another quote from my young but smart brother!

[forest]

I told my ex gf her crotch smelled like eggs haha, even though it didn't, i just wanted to give her $hit, she freaked out and took a shower!!! haha.

[70 cutlass 442]

Bit<hes R Crazy, nuff said. And if i ever hear "Im not like most girls, im different" one more f-ing time i swear to GOD, im going to jail.....

They're all the same, Crazy, and need to wake up. As my young Brother once told me...."Is the F u Cking your getting, worth the F u Cking your getting?"

Think about it!

You couldnt be more right, Every girl out there thinks they are better, or less crazy then the rest. but they are ALL FUKED in the head, just some worse then others. (girls, dont try to defend yourselfs)

[That_Guy]

biches aint nuthin but tricks and hoes.

[johnny--2k]

i got 99 problems but a b!tch aint one

[nismodave]

biches aint nuthin but tricks and hoes.



:chair::chair::chair:

If you are going to post it, post it correctly.

"Bitches Aint SH!T but Hoes and Tricks!!!"

[That_Guy]

Greatest line of all time. Long time ago, a group of guys took their girlfriends up to Lake Delton for a week of fun. Chad was dating a ***** named BreAnn at the time, BreAnn was a health freak, Chad however was not too big into eating healthy and excersizing (he wasn't fat though). One afternoon while we're all watching TV in the cabin, BreAnn was in the kitchen doing the dishes. Chad asks her to grab him a soda...

BreAnn, "NO, you don't need a soda."
Chad; "I know, I just want one."
BreAnn; "I'll get you some juice, do you want apple or grape."
Chad; "I don't want juice, I want a F UCKING SODA!"
BreAnn; "You don't need a soda, it's not good for you."
Chad; "For christ sake, I'll just get the damned soda myself."
BreAnn; "You don't need one, you're getting FAT!"
Chad, without skipping a beat, looking straight at her; "Yeah, and you F UCK like a dead animal, now get me a soda."

BreAnn ran into the bedroom and started crying. Chad got up and asked if anyone wanted a soda, he went to kitchen grabbed himself a soda, as he sat down he said "B ITCH" loud enough for here to hear it in the bedroom. Absolutely one of the funniest exchanges I've ever seen. I don't advocate being mean to a girlfriend, but this girl was a cunt, and absolutely deserved it. Chad wasn't heavy, and still isn't. This girl was a pretentious self absorbed b itch and no one can stand her to this day.

god my girlfriend did something along the line of that once to me..

her.."whatcha getting"
me.." double cheese burger w/ fried onion and bacon"
her.."do you really need that"
me.. "yes im hungry"
her..." i thought we where starting a diet together"
me..." you thought wrong."

she got all pissed off because i wasnt supporting her in there diet indever.. its like wtf.. if you dont have will power then thats your problem i dont need to suffer.

[That_Guy]

:chair::chair::chair:

If you are going to post it, post it correctly.

"Bitches Aint SH!T but Hoes and Tricks!!!"

im sorry.. :rolf

[Smokey1226]

^ pwned but funny :D lol

[michelle]

I'm not like most girls, I am different....I am better. (:

[That_Guy]

I'm not like most girls, I am different....I am better. (:

thats what they all think:rolf

[Smokey1226]

I'm not like most girls, I am different....I am better. (:

Does Chad Schmidt have to choke a bish?