GRAMPS SS
12-19-2007, 09:07 PM
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to
fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must
be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids'
stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses
and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell
those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore
downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go.
You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things
like, "What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy
that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also
substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool
lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love
Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according
to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on
animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the
bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap
of imagination. On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old
bicycle pump, Louise came to life.
My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee
morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the
dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate
some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby
tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to
his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had
left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then
come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the
rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the
traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.
"What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with
something like that?" Granny snapped.
I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where
are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells
nice Gran," Jay said, to steer her into the dining room. But
Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I
could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one
wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on
Granny, hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up
to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I
told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed
Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but
actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be
Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had
died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise
made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then
she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and
fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed
cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room,
fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation. My sister fell back over her chair and wet her pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in
the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination
to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise
had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored
her to perfect health!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, may your holidays be filled with love and laughter.
fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to
fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must
be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids'
stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses
and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell
those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore
downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go.
You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things
like, "What does this do? You're kidding me! Who would buy
that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also
substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool
lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love
Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according
to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on
animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the
bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap
of imagination. On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old
bicycle pump, Louise came to life.
My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee
morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the
dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate
some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby
tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.
The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to
his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had
left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then
come back and bark some more.
We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the
rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the
traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.
"What the hell is that?" she asked.
My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with
something like that?" Granny snapped.
I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where
are her clothes?" Granny continued. "Boy, that turkey sure smells
nice Gran," Jay said, to steer her into the dining room. But
Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I
could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one
wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on
Granny, hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up
to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I
told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed
Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but
actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be
Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had
died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise
made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then
she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and
fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed
cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room,
fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation. My sister fell back over her chair and wet her pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in
the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination
to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise
had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored
her to perfect health!
MERRY CHRISTMAS, may your holidays be filled with love and laughter.