GRAMPS SS
07-06-2007, 09:27 PM
> There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.
>> >
>> > The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
>> > surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
>> > to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off
>> > now. The man should be here soon."
>> >
>> > Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
>> > happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
>> > Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
>> >
>> > "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
>> > expecting you."
>> >
>> > "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
>> > know babies are my specialty?"
>> >
>> > "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
>> > seat".
>> >
>> > After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
>> >
>> > "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
>> > couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
>> > floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
>> >
>> > "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and
>> > me!"
>> >
>> > "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
>> > try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
>> > I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
>> >
>> > "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
>> >
>> > "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
>>In
>> > and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
>> >
>> > "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
>> >
>> > The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
>> > baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
>> >
>> > "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
>> >
>> > "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
>>their
>> > mother was so difficult to work with."
>> >
>> > "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>> >
>> > "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
>> > job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
>> > good look"
>> >
>> > "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
>> >
>> > "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
>> > The mother was constantly squealing and yelling -
>> >
>> > I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush
>> > my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I
>> > just had to pack it all in."
>> >
>> > Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
>> > uh...equipment?"
>> >
>> > "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
>> > and we can get to work right away."
>> >
>> > "Tripod?"
>> >
>> > "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
>> > too big to be held in the hand very long."
>> >
>> > Mrs. Smith fainted
>> >
>> > The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
>> > surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
>> > to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off
>> > now. The man should be here soon."
>> >
>> > Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
>> > happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
>> > Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
>> >
>> > "Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
>> > expecting you."
>> >
>> > "Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
>> > know babies are my specialty?"
>> >
>> > "Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
>> > seat".
>> >
>> > After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
>> >
>> > "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
>> > couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
>> > floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
>> >
>> > "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and
>> > me!"
>> >
>> > "Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
>> > try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
>> > I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
>> >
>> > "My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
>> >
>> > "Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
>>In
>> > and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
>> >
>> > "Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
>> >
>> > The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
>> > baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
>> >
>> > "Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
>> >
>> > "And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
>>their
>> > mother was so difficult to work with."
>> >
>> > "She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
>> >
>> > "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
>> > job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
>> > good look"
>> >
>> > "Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
>> >
>> > "Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
>> > The mother was constantly squealing and yelling -
>> >
>> > I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush
>> > my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I
>> > just had to pack it all in."
>> >
>> > Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
>> > uh...equipment?"
>> >
>> > "It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
>> > and we can get to work right away."
>> >
>> > "Tripod?"
>> >
>> > "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
>> > too big to be held in the hand very long."
>> >
>> > Mrs. Smith fainted