Who here smokes? Chick problems...

[CruxGNZ]

Before you blow up my PM's, I'm talking about cigarettes, not cigaweed. I have been with my woman for the past 8 months now. I have dated for many years and I have seen some sh!t. This woman is different. She actually cares about me. She likes who I am. We like each others company A LOT. I never saw myself with anyone long term, but she is everything I ever wanted in a woman and more. The drawback? She smokes. 4 or 5 cigarettes a day, but still, she smokes. I told her it bothered me a few months ago, but yet she did nothing. Time went on and we became more attached. Today I told her that I can't stand her breath (or taste) for hours after she has a cancer stick. That and I told her I can't see myself longterm with anyone that smokes. I really hurt her I guess. Didn't want to see me tonight. She wanted to be alone and think about her "bad habits". She knows smoking is bad, she knows it bothers me, but I don't know if she can actually quit. Besides the smoking thing, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I have been through some sh!t. She has never lied to me, nor have I to her. Do I believe that she will quit? She's been smoking for about 10 years.

I have met more than a dozen smokers that have "quit" only to see them smoking again within a year. Only one person I have EVER met had quit smoking, 5 years and going, and he still wakes up every morning wanting a drag... it's sad what nicotine can do to you.

Your thoughts? Do I walk away or give her a chance?

[PureSound15]

I said giver her a chance, and here's my reasoning.

1 person will argue "you should love her for who she is", and the other will say "but quiting a bad habit not only will better her life, it will extend your relationship.

I'm with you man, I couldn't date/kiss a girl that smoked, yuck. Maybe she'll decide that she doesn't only need to quit to keep you, but she'll quit to extend her life.

[HITMAN]

She's the best thing that ever happened to you, she smokes a WHOLE 5 cigarettes a day and you want to break up over it? You are a fvcking moron, and I hope she dumps your sorry uncompromising ass. I have a question, Mr. Perfect. What are you willing to do for her if she quits? I mean besides allowing her the privilege of basking in your heavenly glow...:rolleyes:

Americans have it WAAAAAAY too easy if this is the kind of bullshit they're preoccupied with...:punch:

[Knyghtmare]

Give her a chance... but she needs to realise and understand (Im talking crystal clear) that if she continues to smoke, it will only be pushing you away and that there is a serious chance that you could walk away. There is a bigger picture attached to this. Try comprimising with her... as Hitman suggests, ask her is there is any habbits or anything you could change or quit for her.

Not only would to quit smoking be a good choice for her health most of all, but of course yours aswell. Especially if you keep it long term and end up wanting a family someday.

[USMARINE1108]

I don't think you're talking to the right people. I know a ton of people who have quit, most of them using the patch. They all say you have to use it as recomended, and not just stop when you think you're good. I quit cold turkey, it's all about will power.

[Silver350]

5 cigerettes a day isnt bad. Never or less none of it is good. No matter how nice you tell someone to stop smoking it isnt going to make them quit unless they want to. If she is someone you like care for stick around for a while maybe being around you a lot more and not others that will smoke will take down on her cravings and want to quit for her self. If she does decide encourage her do not get on her case and say things that may make her upset... Things like you stated in your above post.

[BAD LS1]

I think giving her a chance is a good idea. My ex had got me started on smoking for about a year... Was smoking about 3/4 pack a day near the end and when i started dating my current GF she had asked me to quit several times. Eventually i did and then picked up mountain dew as a bad habit LOL. But im wheening my self off that battery acid now too. So it can be done if she is willing to do it. Granted i didnt have 10 years of it under my belt, I was smoking more per day.

[animal]

Give it the chance dude, it does sound pretty minor as far as smokers go. (there's a 4-pack per day guy at work) You've voiced it, and she obviously knows now that you're not just casually mentioning it. You'll really have to set up your own personal time frame as far as how long is acceptable to you for her to show improvement on it. Don't mention it to her as it will only seem like an ultimatum. If that time period goes by, and she seems to you to have made no effort, then maybe at that time you weigh that against your relationship and consider your options.

The a$$hole side of me says:

Maybe YOU could try smoking to make her feel more at ease with it :goof

Heh j/k.

In the past when I dated smokers, I'd always hide their lighters haha.

[Waver]

here is what I think....you knew she smoked when you started dating and you accepted it then, so why are you so uptight about it now. If kissing her is so bad, give her some gum....She will quit on her own, and if you force her to quit, then shy might make you think she quit, but in all reality, didnt, just not smoke around you....now would you rather have her lieing to you instead?

[wikked]

What are you willing to do for her if she quits? I mean besides allowing her the privilege of basking in your heavenly glow...:rolleyes:
Americans have it WAAAAAAY too easy if this is the kind of bullshit they're preoccupied with...:punch:

If he's not doing anything that disgusts her, what is there for him to do?
Sorry we're pre-occupied with health, jeez :rolleyes: Your logic explains why Americans are fat & lazy.
We SHOULD be pre-occupied with better standards, maybe people would get a clue. But hey, just keep shoveling down the pizza & ice cream and die 30yrs earlier than your husband/wife from a heart attack/lung cancer/etc. :)

<cigarette rant>
1 a day is too many... it's a pointless useless worthless nasty addiction.
If someone can tell me 1 valid reason why they should be smoked, I'd love to hear it.
They taste like shit, the smoke smells like shìt, it makes your breath smell like shìt, it turns your teeth yellow, it turns your lungs black, it turns your fingers yellow, you get people comin up to you all the time saying "y0 dawg can i bum a smoke?" and after a while you don't even get a buzz from them, but it's too late 'cause you're addicted to nicotine now and now you gotta pay even more to try and stop when, if you had common sense, you shouldn't have even started in the first phucking place...
Why would you PAY to do that to yourself???

I can't see myself with a smoker either, that sour beef jerky smoke breath literally makes me want to puke.
I don't care how many times you brush your teeth, the smell DOESN'T GO AWAY. A smoker might think it's gone, but a non-smoker will tell ya otherwise.

Oh oh and that lung butter death rattle cough, god that is such a turn on! Sounds like you could cough up some phlegm rubber that would rival a superball... phucking gross.
</rant>

[wikked]

here is what I think....you knew she smoked when you started dating and you accepted it then, so why are you so uptight about it now. If kissing her is so bad, give her some gum....She will quit on her own, and if you force her to quit, then shy might make you think she quit, but in all reality, didnt, just not smoke around you....now would you rather have her lieing to you instead?

He might have "accepted" it when they were first dating, but I'm sure he still hated it just as much and it was in the back of his mind the whole time.
Gum doesn't work, sorry. Smells like smokey mint nicotine.
90% of smokers just don't "quit on their own" it takes nagging & bitching from people who give a shìt about them to make them wake up.
My uncle stopped last year, after a younger guy (40's) he worked with died of a heart attack, otherwise healthy/strong guy. The guy smoked a pack a day at least. Not saying that was the direct cause, but it sure as hell wasn't helping, and the light went on in my uncle's head and he quit cold turkey.
You need a reason to quit.
I'd say she has lots of great reasons to quit, but she's not going to unless someone speaks up.

Give her a chance, but not if she doesn't want to quit.
If you'd rather smoke than keep someone who really means alot to you... then you've got issues.

[Sexy83TA]

I dont really understand. I am a smoker, and smoke about a half a pack a day. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and have only been smoking for 3. Yes, he hates it and wishes I'd quit. I listen to what he says and considering Im actually a nursing student I know exactly what its doing to me. I dont really know why I smoke but its MY problem. Her smoking has NOTHING to do with you. If shes actually the best thing thats ever happened to you, this shouldnt be a big issue. If your gripe is her breath, tell her to brush after shes done smoking and your around. If you leave her over it, you have a bigger problem then she does. But thats just my opinion as a women who smokes.

[H8RADE]

She's the best thing that ever happened to you, she smokes a WHOLE 5 cigarettes a day and you want to break up over it? You are a fvcking moron, and I hope she dumps your sorry uncompromising ass. I have a question, Mr. Perfect. What are you willing to do for her if she quits? I mean besides allowing her the privilege of basking in your heavenly glow...:rolleyes:

Americans have it WAAAAAAY too easy if this is the kind of bullshit they're preoccupied with...:punch:

x several.

[u_say_go]

<cigarette rant>
1 a day is too many... it's a pointless useless worthless nasty addiction.
If someone can tell me 1 valid reason why they should be smoked, I'd love to hear it.

they go good with beer:alcoholic

[Nix]

I think you should accept her for who she is dude, I have smoked for about 7 years and when I met my wife I smoked and she has never had a drag nor will she ever. She loves me for who I am as you should do for your woman.

It is what it is. Persoanlly I will eventually quit when I'M READY and she will quit when and if SHE IS EVER READY. Its her life and she does what she does. Just cause she has a nasty habit dosent mean you want to loose the love of your life cause she is currently a smoker. Give her time, also trying to force people in to choices such as this will only push people further away from you and it will bite you in the ass later on.

Also you got it easy, atleast she isnt a crack addict or a whore. Then yeah if that were the case I would say ditch the b1tch. But Its smoking cigs dude. Come'on now.

[juicedimpss]

i say stick with it,IF shes good in the sack.

[mike90lxII]

I dont really understand. I am a smoker, and smoke about a half a pack a day. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and have only been smoking for 3. Yes, he hates it and wishes I'd quit. I listen to what he says and considering Im actually a nursing student I know exactly what its doing to me. I dont really know why I smoke but its MY problem. Her smoking has NOTHING to do with you. If shes actually the best thing thats ever happened to you, this shouldnt be a big issue. If your gripe is her breath, tell her to brush after shes done smoking and your around. If you leave her over it, you have a bigger problem then she does. But thats just my opinion as a women who smokes.

it is his problem if she does it around him. being a nonsmoker I can smell a smoker a block away. their hair clothes car house everything has that stink.
it is a disgusting habit that could be harmful to him as well.

but he did know she smoke when they met and he let it go so why is it now a problem? it is a problem because now he wants her around more. maybe he should put up with it. what if she asked him to give up dragracing because it's dangerous. that wouldn't sit well with him.

I SAY DEAL WITH IT!!!

[88Nightmare]

i say stick with it,IF shes good in the sack.

damnit ron, I came back on here just to say that. :flipoff2: :devil



































well, nothin else to say so.....I love lamp :loser

[animal]

If someone can tell me 1 valid reason why they should be smoked, I'd love to hear it.

I smoked a pack in the 4 years of college, and it was merely to blow smoke rings when I was drunk. They look so cool :D

Even my doctor said it's the only other valid reason he's ever heard besides "to piss people off".

[Flight_740]

Before you blow up my PM's, I'm talking about cigarettes, not cigaweed. I have been with my woman for the past 8 months now. I have dated for many years and I have seen some sh!t. This woman is different. She actually cares about me. She likes who I am. We like each others company A LOT. I never saw myself with anyone long term, but she is everything I ever wanted in a woman and more. The drawback? She smokes. 4 or 5 cigarettes a day, but still, she smokes. I told her it bothered me a few months ago, but yet she did nothing. Time went on and we became more attached. Today I told her that I can't stand her breath (or taste) for hours after she has a cancer stick. That and I told her I can't see myself longterm with anyone that smokes. I really hurt her I guess. Didn't want to see me tonight. She wanted to be alone and think about her "bad habits". She knows smoking is bad, she knows it bothers me, but I don't know if she can actually quit. Besides the smoking thing, she is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I have been through some sh!t. She has never lied to me, nor have I to her. Do I believe that she will quit? She's been smoking for about 10 years.

I have met more than a dozen smokers that have "quit" only to see them smoking again within a year. Only one person I have EVER met had quit smoking, 5 years and going, and he still wakes up every morning wanting a drag... it's sad what nicotine can do to you.

Your thoughts? Do I walk away or give her a chance?

I think it's a little shallow of you to post on a public forum about you breaking up with the woman you "love" because of this. Do you love her? If you did break up with her, would you think about her non stop? Come on man!! Are you planning on making a choice based on the poll results? Give me a brake. Either help her with this or move on. My feelings are if you move on it's because she was just not worth it to you. Love is love regaurdless of if she smoke or not and deffinatly regaurdless of what people here at BCM think. I would never give up on someone because they have a bad habbit. (unless it was extreme)

[DirtyMax]

I think you should end it now for her sake. If you are even considering breaking up with "the best thing that's ever happened to you" over something as petty as 5 cigarettes a day, you will NEVER be able to handle the other curves life will throw you two further down the road.

Who's to say she is going to smoke forever??. She may grow out of it, she may not. She's a woman so if you stay together forever, chances are she'll outlive you anyways 5 grits a day or not... If she does, maybe just try being honest with her and tell her you think the smoke breath is a turn-off and perhaps she could chew gum or pop an Altoid or something. That's what I do.

Oh yeah, and whatever you do, don't try forcing her to quit. The gimmicks don't work and she'll end up back on it smoking triple what she did before. She can only quit if she wants to...

[Bart H]

just remember if she quits she'll gain 10-15lbs can you live with that?

[jbiscuit]

She can only quit if she wants to...

well said... I also agree that if this bothers you about her, its a part of her so to speak. You knew about it going in and thus have to accept her for who she is or move on. Thats it.

[GRAMPS SS]

hell give her a chance...the gimmicks don't work at all , i had the patch , gum and still smoked...one day said enough is enough and quit cold turkey....haven't touch a cig in two years and don't crave em anymore either....and my wife is alot happier since i quit and son as well...hell 5 cigs a day is nothing, down side yea she will gain weight, i put on 15 lbs after i quit, but hell you can burn off 15 pounds pretty easy.....if she even gains that much.....ride it out and see what happens....

[HRSEPLA]

'True Love' includes many benefits but also includes compromise and sacrifice, it makes you want to be a better person FOR your Wife/ Future Wife, as well as should it for her too. If you tactfully discuss it with the right attitude and how severe of an issue it is for you, she may be receptive to change.
Or maybe you just like her more than she likes you(and her cigarettes). lol:)

Little known fact- I smoked for 5 years when I met Tina, She really disliked my habit, the smell, etc. (She was respectful, because it was important to me at the time, but I knew she did'nt like it) At first I just did'nt do it around her when we were dating, and with more and more time spent I went for longer intervals, then one day just quit.
Why do you want to do something that your loved one hates?
We all still have our personal difficencies and struggles, just pick your battles, and really decide "Is the risk worth the reward"
Iron this stuff out now, not after marriage! (Hence 60% Divorce rate:( )
10 years strong Beoches!

Oh, PS: About the 4 or 5 cigs a day, that may not be true, it would be doubtful a 10 year smoker only smokes that little... If thats the case she can get the same fix from 2nd hand smoke.

[Slow Joe]

What everyone else said about it being petty... I mean hell my exgf drove a Chevy, you think I liked that fact??? :rolf That ***** made me take the "Anything but Chevy" sticker off my Jeep... :rolf

[y2kws6]

I would say to try and work things out, but stick with the not liking the smell. Be truthfull and up front but also compromise.

Jacki smoke a small amount when we began dating and I really disliked it, but really liked her at the time, so I delt with it. After a few months I really got tired of it and refused to kiss her after she smoked. When she realized it really got to me and SHE wanted to quite on her own she quit cold turkey. She did have a couple since for stress, but for the most part she quit.

If she really loves you she may changed her ways, maybe not quit, but compromise with you on how she smokes. I know it will be on her cloths and body, but that would be a compromise you might need to take.

If this annoys you to the point that other things start popping up, she might not be the one.

It is all about compromise on both sides.

Dan

[77thor]

All that I can say is, before I got married I sent my GF(wife) to a hypnotist to help her quit smoking... and it worked

Give her a shot

[nismodave]

Im not even voting on this........Are you kidding me???

I can see not initially dating someone because of smoking, but uf you have a strong bond between yourselves, you would be an idiot to end it because of that.

[CruxGNZ]

Lots of good advice. The reason for the post here, was to get an outsiders point of view. People outside my family and friends who would not be biased. I don't smoke (obviously), and wanted to hear your thoughts. I knew there would be some criticism, but I don't care. The poll? Never posted a poll before, so figured what the hell. :goof

Why did I date her even though she smoked? She is pretty good looking, we have A LOT in common, and we enjoy each others company, so I let it slide. I just dealt with it for the time being. It bothered me then and it still bothers me. I have a sensitive nose, I can smell a mouse fart two blocks away and being around a smoker sucks. Everything stinks like smoke. You just don't get used to it. Toothpaste, breathmints, ect. do not work. The smell comes from your lungs, not just your mouth.

I stayed together with her because I was happy to be with her. The smoking turned into one of those things that just kept building up inside me untill I told her in detail what it's like for me to be around her. My succinct candor made her sad and embarrassed. I asked why. She told me that it hurt her to think of all those times she was happy and comfortable next to me or in my arms, and 'I' was probably thinking of how bad she smelled at the time.

She told me in a text message today that she wants to quit and has for a while. And me talking about how I felt about this in detail to her was the "kick in the ass" she needed to quit. That's very good news! She said quiting cold turkey won't work, but slowly cutting back she will gradually quit. She wants to do this on her own, so I'll let her.

Very interesting points of view from some of you. Again, lots of good advice and I'll heed some of it. Thanks.

[Ricky Bobby]

I don't smoke (obviously).
hmm jeff says something different :goof j/k man LOL

[Brandon W.]

If you leave her over it, you have a bigger problem then she does. But thats just my opinion as a women who smokes.


i wouldnt listen to your post at all...that was the most Biased(sp?) thing ever.

i say that if you are the best thing that ever happened to her she would quit...but if you love her you could make the sacrafice...i would stay with her but i would be on her ass every day to quit smoking.dont let her do it...everytime she light's up pull it out of her mouth..make it so she would have to leave the house to smoke..it would be more of a chore and nobody likes chores:shades

[H8RADE]

What everyone else said about it being petty... I mean hell my exgf drove a Chevy, you think I liked that fact??? :rolf That ***** made me take the "Anything but Chevy" sticker off my Jeep... :rolf

What if that Chevy was a base model 4-cylinder?
Would that sweeten the deal any?
:rolf


OBTW...if you ditch a great chick because she digs a square every now and again, just take out an ad on craigslist, learn to 'explore your sexuality', and get it overwith now.
As far as I am concerned, you are finding fault with a woman for no reason because you like men...
Maybe boys...
That is all...

[hotshift13]

Matt, everyone here has made very good points, both good or bad or sarcastic! You have to follow what your heart says. yeah that sounds a little sappy and what not, but if this makes you THAT CRAZY then you really need to tell her how this affects you. You shouldn't make her "quit" then she may only hide it from you better, it may work or it may not. Jen's friend LIZ "quit" for her boyfriend for 3 or 4 years and she did a GREAT job of it, but one night at Mad Planet he caught her out on the back patio smoking......... that evening ended bad!! Liz smokes to this day, and the boyfriend is gone......because of other reasons (he's a tool) he really wasn't good for her at all! You may not change this girls mind, if she wants to quit she will, and for your relationship I hope she does, you seem to be very happy with this girl:headbang The patch works the gum works, just about everything works if you have the will power and the motivation (love, happiness, relationship, etc) I am probably one

[97z2801ss]

chance it breh

[Sexy83TA]

i wouldnt listen to your post at all...that was the most Biased(sp?) thing ever.


Honestly, You can't MAKE someone quit. The point of that sentance is that, if your happy with someone and willing to end it over something like smoking, then I feel its a very sad situation. I dont see how you can love someone and risk losing it. Yes smoking is a bad habit, but he started dating her when she smoked! You can't force change. The person has to want to change. Period. Commenting on it every time she smokes will annoy her. Trying to force her will cause her to have an issue with him. You two will end up pushing eachother away the bigger this issue becomes. Im not saying you shouldnt make your needs and wants known to her, but do it in a respectful and caring way.

As I said, my boyfriend hates that I smoke but he would never leave me over it! As if he doesnt have bad habits I dont like? Would I leave him over it? No way.

[Slow Joe]

What if that Chevy was a base model 4-cylinder?
Would that sweeten the deal any?
:rolf


It was, kinda... Cavalier LS Convertible... :rolf