Flicktitty
11-08-2006, 11:14 PM
Here are 2 jokes that i hope brighten your day up a little bit! :rolf
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An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2months.Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a
pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says "who was the pig
that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Ha lf an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, a
mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably
dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother and the
girl,and tells them:"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take
charge.I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest
of her life.Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail
stores,a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a &nbs p;$4,000,000 bank account
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You **** her
again."
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JOKE 2
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Eating Peanuts:
One evening, a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell into his ear.
He tried and tried to dig the peanut out, but only succeeded in pushing it deeper into his ear. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying to remove the peanut, they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down. The young man then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out, and everyone was pleased.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter took him into the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father, exclaiming, "That was wonderful! Isn't he intelligent? What do you think he'll be when he grows older?!"
The father replies, "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"
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An 18 year old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2months.Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a
pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says "who was the pig
that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Ha lf an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house, a
mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably
dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother and the
girl,and tells them:"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take
charge.I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest
of her life.Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail
stores,a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a &nbs p;$4,000,000 bank account
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand
firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You **** her
again."
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JOKE 2
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Eating Peanuts:
One evening, a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell into his ear.
He tried and tried to dig the peanut out, but only succeeded in pushing it deeper into his ear. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying to remove the peanut, they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down. The young man then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out, and everyone was pleased.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter took him into the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father, exclaiming, "That was wonderful! Isn't he intelligent? What do you think he'll be when he grows older?!"
The father replies, "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"