Korndogg
10-08-2006, 09:09 PM
ust in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one! Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
**************
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
**************
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
**************
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
**************
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
**************
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
**************
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
***************
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
***************
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
***************
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
***************
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
***************
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
***************
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
***************
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
***************
And the best one for last.................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one! Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
**************
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
**************
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
**************
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
**************
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
**************
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
**************
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
***************
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
***************
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
***************
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
***************
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
***************
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
***************
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
***************
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
***************
And the best one for last.................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget