hrsp
06-05-2006, 04:20 PM
Now, as guys, we all know that the Man Scale is generally unwritten and point totals are deduced on the spot depending on the coolness or severity of the action by all other surrounding guys. However, I think some of this can be layed out in non-subjective terms. Don't you agree?
Let's say at the beginning of each day, every man starts at 100 points. As guys, we know that all things said and done over three days ago are null and void in an argument, so the Man Scale resets on a daily basis unless a said man has so many transgressions that other males can override the resetting of his Man Scale and continue lowering his grade. On the same idea, if a man continually raises his Man Scale into a higher class (mentioned later,) his scale can reset at an average above 100 if ruled fair by other guys.
The classes, as mentioned earlier.
God: More than 150 points. You are the epitome of man. You're likely a lumberjack, professional football player, or wrestle with grizzly bears bare-handed for a living. You don't shower, you sweat the dirt off. You lift weights not to gain strength, but to show off the strength you have. You reek of testosterone, and everyone within a 50-foot radius knows it. Your TV equivalents are Rambo, Crocodile Dundee, Tony Soprano, Steven Segal, and the Terminator.
A: 125-150 points. Your manliness becomes more apparent as the day passes. You do nothing to shame your fellow man. If it weren't for the A+ class, you're the man that all other men strive to be. You're a cocky and sarcastic son-of-a-*****, and you know it. You could make driving a station wagon look cool. Your TV equivalents are Sonny Crockett, Peter Griffin, Sam Malone, and Bruce Willis.
B: 100-125 points. You're the every day man's man. You hold down the fort and do it with class. Your children beam proudly on father-son days. You get your **** done and still have time for some fun on the side, which is either your gun collection, Harley, drag car project, Madden 2006, or gambling/golf/darts/pool/bowling. You might be the team captain for your work's softball team. Your TV equivalents are Jerry Seinfeld, Tom Arnold, Nicholas Cage, and Woody Harrelson.
C: 85-99 points. You're a below-average specimen of man, but you're still decent enough to be around class B and As without getting punched. You put down the toilet seat (but only to avoid the bitching.) You're a little soft-spoken, but can get straight pissed in no time. You drink light beer, but a lot of it. You think you're cooler than you are, but that's part of being a guy. Your TV equivalents are Uncle Jesse, George Lopez, George Costanza, or that dude with the glasses from CSI.
D: 75-84 points. You rountinely piss other guys off, and if you have friends, they might deny it when you're not around. You might have two or three good man-moments a day, but they're outclassed by your f*ck-ups. You wear sweater-vests and khackis, spend too much time on your hair, got too-good grades in high school, and you're likely a pretty boy. Your TV equivalents are Ryan Seacrest, Bob Saget in his Full House days, anyone on your local news, Carson Daly, and the lead singer from Creed.
*****: Less than 75 points. Men deny your existence. You cry during chick flicks. You drive a Volkswagen and wear pink shirts. You're pratically a woman, because the only people that can tolerate you are ugly chicks. You speak with a fake accent, and you're probably emo. Your TV equivalents are Richard Simmons and any guy that's ever been in a boy band but didn't fake it for the money or bang any ridiculously-hot celebrities.
Now, here's the part where all men need to chime in. A point list, full of pluses and minuses. As stated earlier, most actions are judged on the spot by other males, but there are some things which can be written on paper for sure. Here's a few examples:
+5 points: Chopping down a dead tree. Bonus points for using an axe instead of a chainsaw.
-10 points: Jewelry shopping, unless it's to keep your house from being burned down, in which case it's only a -2 (for letting a woman get the best of you.)
+5 points: Playing a sport without hurting yourself. Add one point for every spectacular move made, decrease one every time you look like an idiot. +1 for sweating, -1 for sitting to catch your breath if you're not sweating.
-5 points: Wearing long socks unless it's -45 outside. +5 points: Going barefoot.
+3 points: Getting a compliment from a B-class or better.
-30 points: Sleeping with your buddy's girlfriend the day after she breaks up with him. +20 if she's unbearably hot.
-5 points: Getting a compliment from a chick, unless she's smoking hot, in which case it becomes a +15.
+5 points: Buying a round of drinks for the guys. -3 if you went el-cheapo on the brands.
+1 point: Playing a video game. -1 point for every hour over two if you're by yourself. +3 point if it's a sports game or has excess amounts of blood, guns, and explosions.
-20 points: Crashing your car. +5 if it was at least doing something cool. -30 if you cry. Points restored if you punch whoever caused it if it wasn't your fault.
+5 points: Getting stung by a wasp and not flinching.
-5 points: Watching American Idol. -10 more points if it's in favor of sports or a cable replay of Die Hard. +10 if you muted it and are just looking at boobs.
+500 points and permanent label as God: Banging Jessica Alba.
POST YOU IDEAS!!!
Let's say at the beginning of each day, every man starts at 100 points. As guys, we know that all things said and done over three days ago are null and void in an argument, so the Man Scale resets on a daily basis unless a said man has so many transgressions that other males can override the resetting of his Man Scale and continue lowering his grade. On the same idea, if a man continually raises his Man Scale into a higher class (mentioned later,) his scale can reset at an average above 100 if ruled fair by other guys.
The classes, as mentioned earlier.
God: More than 150 points. You are the epitome of man. You're likely a lumberjack, professional football player, or wrestle with grizzly bears bare-handed for a living. You don't shower, you sweat the dirt off. You lift weights not to gain strength, but to show off the strength you have. You reek of testosterone, and everyone within a 50-foot radius knows it. Your TV equivalents are Rambo, Crocodile Dundee, Tony Soprano, Steven Segal, and the Terminator.
A: 125-150 points. Your manliness becomes more apparent as the day passes. You do nothing to shame your fellow man. If it weren't for the A+ class, you're the man that all other men strive to be. You're a cocky and sarcastic son-of-a-*****, and you know it. You could make driving a station wagon look cool. Your TV equivalents are Sonny Crockett, Peter Griffin, Sam Malone, and Bruce Willis.
B: 100-125 points. You're the every day man's man. You hold down the fort and do it with class. Your children beam proudly on father-son days. You get your **** done and still have time for some fun on the side, which is either your gun collection, Harley, drag car project, Madden 2006, or gambling/golf/darts/pool/bowling. You might be the team captain for your work's softball team. Your TV equivalents are Jerry Seinfeld, Tom Arnold, Nicholas Cage, and Woody Harrelson.
C: 85-99 points. You're a below-average specimen of man, but you're still decent enough to be around class B and As without getting punched. You put down the toilet seat (but only to avoid the bitching.) You're a little soft-spoken, but can get straight pissed in no time. You drink light beer, but a lot of it. You think you're cooler than you are, but that's part of being a guy. Your TV equivalents are Uncle Jesse, George Lopez, George Costanza, or that dude with the glasses from CSI.
D: 75-84 points. You rountinely piss other guys off, and if you have friends, they might deny it when you're not around. You might have two or three good man-moments a day, but they're outclassed by your f*ck-ups. You wear sweater-vests and khackis, spend too much time on your hair, got too-good grades in high school, and you're likely a pretty boy. Your TV equivalents are Ryan Seacrest, Bob Saget in his Full House days, anyone on your local news, Carson Daly, and the lead singer from Creed.
*****: Less than 75 points. Men deny your existence. You cry during chick flicks. You drive a Volkswagen and wear pink shirts. You're pratically a woman, because the only people that can tolerate you are ugly chicks. You speak with a fake accent, and you're probably emo. Your TV equivalents are Richard Simmons and any guy that's ever been in a boy band but didn't fake it for the money or bang any ridiculously-hot celebrities.
Now, here's the part where all men need to chime in. A point list, full of pluses and minuses. As stated earlier, most actions are judged on the spot by other males, but there are some things which can be written on paper for sure. Here's a few examples:
+5 points: Chopping down a dead tree. Bonus points for using an axe instead of a chainsaw.
-10 points: Jewelry shopping, unless it's to keep your house from being burned down, in which case it's only a -2 (for letting a woman get the best of you.)
+5 points: Playing a sport without hurting yourself. Add one point for every spectacular move made, decrease one every time you look like an idiot. +1 for sweating, -1 for sitting to catch your breath if you're not sweating.
-5 points: Wearing long socks unless it's -45 outside. +5 points: Going barefoot.
+3 points: Getting a compliment from a B-class or better.
-30 points: Sleeping with your buddy's girlfriend the day after she breaks up with him. +20 if she's unbearably hot.
-5 points: Getting a compliment from a chick, unless she's smoking hot, in which case it becomes a +15.
+5 points: Buying a round of drinks for the guys. -3 if you went el-cheapo on the brands.
+1 point: Playing a video game. -1 point for every hour over two if you're by yourself. +3 point if it's a sports game or has excess amounts of blood, guns, and explosions.
-20 points: Crashing your car. +5 if it was at least doing something cool. -30 if you cry. Points restored if you punch whoever caused it if it wasn't your fault.
+5 points: Getting stung by a wasp and not flinching.
-5 points: Watching American Idol. -10 more points if it's in favor of sports or a cable replay of Die Hard. +10 if you muted it and are just looking at boobs.
+500 points and permanent label as God: Banging Jessica Alba.
POST YOU IDEAS!!!